« Oh, No Thank You. I | Main | "I Will Have A Substitution »

Idiot Magnet

I have come to terms that I am an idiot magnet.

There really is no other explanation for shit that happens to me every time I step foot in an establishment that sells food.

I can't even buy cheese in peace.

So I am in Costco last night shopping and minding my own business as a good Whore does.

I had just put a container of feta into my cart and was reaching for a package of goat cheese when out of nowhere, a woman appears. Much to my chagrin, she was a curious one.

"What kind of cheese is that?"

"It's goat cheese."

"Well, what kind of cheese did you just put in your cart?"

"That is feta."

"What's the difference?"

"Goat cheese is made from goat's milk, feta is made from sheep's milk, though it can also made from goat's milk."

"Well then why would you buy both?"

"Because they are different."

"But if they are both made from goat's milk, how different can they be?"

"Well, it's like cheddar and Swiss. Both are made from cow's milk, right? It's the aging process that makes them different."

"That makes no sense."

"Well, take that up with the cheese makers." Light chuckle.

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"Well what do they taste like?"

"Well, I find goat cheese to be a bit nutty. It's very smooth. Feta is pungent and a bit tangy and has a salty edge."

"Where would I have had feta cheese?"

"Uh, well. Have you ever had a Greek salad?"

"Yes, and I hated it. The cheese smelled like feet."

"Well that was feta."

"That stuff is nasty. Why would you buy it?"

"*sigh* Because I like it."

"Well it seems like a complete waste to me."

"Well then don't buy it." Fading impatient smile

"What will you do with that goat's cheese?"

"Well, a few things. I will probably deep fry some to put on mixed greens. I plan to roll some in herbs and serve it with crackers. Hard to say what else."

"Can you give me some recipes, please?"

"I am sorry, I really don't have the time. If you have the internet or cookbooks at home, you should be able to find something. Have a nice day!"

"So you're not going to help me? I think you are rude."

"Well I am sorry you feel that way." Smartass smile "Well, I have a lot to get done so if you will excuse me..."

"So that's it? You're not going to try to talk me into buying this cheese?"

"Um, what?"

"You're not a very good saleswoman. You should be convincing me that..."

"Saleswoman? What are you talking about?"

"You seem agitated. I should talk to your manager."

"What on Earth are you talking about?"

"Well, as an employee of Costco, you should try harder to convince your shoppers..."

"You have got to be freaking kidding me..."

"What did you just say to me?"

"Newsflash, lady. I don't work here. The fact that I have a cart, a purse and no Costco name tag should have been major hints to that fact. So before you go wasting people's time, check the clues, ok?"

"Well! I never..."

"That's obvious. Maybe you should..."

The Friend in Baltimore would have told me that I was rude.

Yeah. So tell me something I don't know.

--------

Posted by Foodwhore at April 22, 2004 10:12 AM