Diary of The Food Whore: I Won't Even Get

« A Food-Whore-A-Mercial I never wanted | Main | For The Love of »

I Won't Even Get

May 26, 2004

I Won't Even Get Out Of Bed For $5.00

As The Food Whore, not only do I have to know my food, I also have to have great people skills. Now, I realize that I drop F-Bombs in this place like beads at Mardis Gras, and, well, I have a tendency to be confrontational in the grocery store and places like Costo, but I promise I have really good people skills.

But people really REALLY push the limits sometimes.

I got a call on Saturday for a trick on July 3rd. First off, hello, that's less than 6 weeks from now. Now, if you just got engaged the night before and are fast-tracking the wedding for purposes other than being horny, I will cut you some slack. But this guy has been engaged since Christmas and is just now calling for a caterer.

Anyway...

In looking at my calendar, I realized that was a holiday weekend and we blocked that weekend out so our staff could enjoy a holiday for a change. But I thought I would listen to his request to see if it was something The Partner and I would be willing to do alone. And boy am I glad I did.

The first words out of his mouth were, "We're both teachers, and we're on a tight budget." Greeaaat. "We have a couple requests. Renting china is very expensive so we would like to know if we could use your china for nothing. Also, we have a budget of $5.00 per person."

At this point I wasn't sure if I was being Punk'd and Ashton Kutcher was going to come out of his hiding place and laugh himself silly at me or if this guy had just taken a big ole toke off his crack pipe.

I think it was Linda Evangelista who said she never got out of bed for less than $10,000 a day. I can safely say I don't get out of bed for $5.00 per person.

To add insult to injury, the venue was the place we catered at couple months ago where the kitchen was nothing more than a small sink in a closet and smelled like dead cat.

"Sir, I need to be up front with you and tell you that we have blocked out that weekend to give our staff a holiday weekend. And it's only fair to tell you that there is no way we can meet your budgetary needs."

"What? Really? I would say $5.00 per person is a very generous budget."

"I am sorry, sir. We can't help you."

"Well what am I going to do? Our wedding is in six weeks and you came highly recommended. I just don't understand why?"

"Honestly, you are not going to find anyone who can meet your needs. The venue is the first strike against you. The second strike is your budget and all that you want. I have to be honest to say that you are not going to find someone for that price and if you do, I would be very leary of their skills. You might want to reconsider all that you want and see if you can find more money in your budget or attempt to do the food yourselves."

"Well, can we at least use your china for free?"

Lemon drops all around. I'm buying.
--------

Posted by Foodwhore at May 26, 2004 10:39 AM