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Double-Standard Whore

I hate cell phones.

I mean, like that cell phones are convenient and provide a means of communication in the case of an emergency but I don't like how they inconvenience me. I resent the people who don't drive well because they are yacking away or people who hold up lines because they are yacking away or people who block the dairy aisle because they are yacking away.

I have one but it's buried at the bottom of my purse along with store receipts, a recipe I ripped out of Food & Wine Magazine, about $40 worth of change and chalky residue from the tin of mints that did not get shut properly.

My phone is on when I need to make calls or if I am expecting a call. Otherwise, it's off and in it's resting place as stated above. I am on a strictly "need to reach" basis with people who have my number. And I know that annoys them, but what are you gonna do?

So, I am at the grocery store this morning. I know, I know. Enough with the grocery store already. But in all of my whoring and feeding the masses, I forgot to get milk and after I poured my bowl of Grape Nuts I realized this fact and made a mad dash to the store.

My goal was to get in and out of the store quickly because I wanted me some Grape Nuts. AND, I didn't have any make-up on (which is scary) and I threw on the first thing I saw which was a pair of The Husband's track pants and a very hole-y t-shirt. To say I looked a bit on the ratty side would be an understatement of monumental proportions. But it was early and I really thought my chances of running into anyone were slim to none.

So when I got back to the dairy cooler some woman was standing dead center in the doorway yacking away to someone - who I could only guess had a hot date the night before and was sharing the juicy details. My thinking was this was a conversation for another place and another time, but my thoughts and The Milk Blocking Yacker were not in synch.

I tried the whole "smile while I motion that I need milk" trick, but she wasn't a strong charrades player so she didn't catch on. I then tried standing there patiently (which killed me - I have no patience) and smiling until she got the hint, and she still did not catch on. But she did turn and look at me with kind of a half scoff as she cased me over. Which, yeah, made me mad. But not because I cared what she thought of me so much as I just wanted my damn Nuts! So finally I just got bold, did the bob and weave, stepped in between her and the door, grabbed my milk, and was on my way.

I didn't even swear. Which I think is huge considering - well - that I was awake.

So, as I am heading up to the check-out stand, mumbling about The Milk Blocking Yacker Bitch and how people should not walk around grocery stores and talk on their phones it occurred to me that I have taken many a phone call at home from The Friend in Alabama and The Friend in Boston while they were shopping for food. I think maybe The Friend in Texas, too, but I don't want to drag her into my rationale unless I have actual proof.

Anway, I actually had a moment of thinking that maybe my frustration was unfounded. But then I remembered that whenever The Friend in Boston and The Friend in Alabama called me from the grocery store, they were actually calling to ask about food. Which is toootally different than just meaningless conversation. So my frustration was, in fact, founded. And as I suspected, I was right all along.

Which, yeah. I know that makes me a Double-Standard Whore. But I still really don't think people should walk around grocery stores yacking on their cell phones, blocking access to precious things like milk.

Unless they are calling me, of course.

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Posted by Foodwhore at June 21, 2004 02:16 PM