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Sugar Eating Demon Spawn

So we had a trick today.

We catered a small (80 people) surprise party for a darling man's 80th birthday.

Now, first of all. Am I the only one who doesn't think it's wise to surprise an 80-year old man?

Suuuuuurrrrppppprrriiiiiisssseee Grandpa Billy!!!


THUD.

Anyway.

So we're checking the food and picking up plates and this Little Boy was running all over Hell and back. He was dodging and weaving in between people, under tables, in and around the coffee pot. Which, yeah. This always thrills me. But what I caught Little Boy doing was downing spoonfulls of sugar when he thought no one was looking.

But I was.

Now, I didn't see Mary Poppins trailing this kid with a bottle of medicine so the sugar was strictly a "be naughty and get away with it" thing and we needed to figure out how to make it stop.

I tried the "raised eyebrow" stare.

Nothing.

The Partner tried her "raised eyebrow stare".

Nothing.

This kid was tough.

I tried the "arms folded, raised-eyebrow stare".

Nada.

The partner tried the "raised-eyebrow stare, shaking head no" thing.

Nope.

By this point, Little Kid was on an uncontrollable sugar high and was making airplane noises as he was running in and out of tables and people. On a couple rounds he got precariously close to grandpa Billy and nearly made him stumble to the ground.

Happy Birthday Grandpa Billy - We got you a gift certificate for hip replacement surgery!!

And then, Little Kid found a stray balloon and started tugging on the string so the balloon made bopping noises. It was at this point that I did the unforgivable Food Whore thing - I talked about someone without checking to see if anyone was listening.

"I am going to take that balloon string and tie it around that little shit's feet and hang him in the coat closet..."

And a guest of the party was standing behind me.

The Partner had been trying to give me signals but I missed that page in The Food Whore's Guide To Secret Mocking when we learned that staring cross-eyed and making "ahem" sounds meant that someone was behind me.

So I turned around and had that "fake smile/sick to my stomach look" on my face when The Pretty Lady in Citrus Green said, "Are you talking about Little Kid? - because he is my nephew and he is the child from Hell. The stories I could tell you. My sister and her husband think ignoring him is the best way to handle things. And today he's decided to be A Sugar Eating Demon Spawn and I am going to hunt him down and make him wish he had never heard the word sugar."

I liked her.

I think we may offer her a job.

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Posted by Foodwhore at August 15, 2004 10:07 PM