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« Happy 2005 | Main | Slip Sliding Awaaaaaaayyy » Part II
January 06, 2005
When we Trick for weddings and we sit for consultation with The Client, The Partner always gives what we call The Partner Speech. “The Wedding is all about The Bride; The Reception is all about The Guests”.
People are there to see you, yes. And it is your special day, so by all means make the most of it. Have all the fanfare you want at the wedding. Have Doves fly in and drop beautiful rose petals in your hair. Have The Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing the Hallelujah Chorus in your honor. Have people stand and wave little flags. Whatever. Live it up. But when the wedding is over and it’s time to shuffle your people off to the reception there are two basic things you need to know: These people took time out of a busy life to come and see you get married. They dressed up and probably brought you a fabulous gift. So feed them early and feed them well.
The food was hot and ready and our staff was lying in wait. 7:15 – No guests. 7:25 – No guests. 7:35 – Nada. 7:45 – The Wedding Planner Arrives.
“Well, the wedding ceremony went long – it was 90 minutes and it was so fabulous!” “Ok so where are we at on serving the food? Our agreed upon start time was 7:30.” “Oh, yes. Well, let me check my agenda and see where we are at…” Her “agenda” was a 25 page booklet of lists and detailed instructions. Food was listed on page 18.
“And they are eating upon arrival?” “Well, no. We changed that.” “Excuse me?” “Yes. We felt it would be more ceremonial if we announced the bride and groom attendants.” “Ceremonial?” “Yes. After all of the guests have arrived we will have The Bridal Party stand by the entrance. We will turn down the lights and introduce them one by one. The MC has descriptive paragraphs about each person…” “Descriptive paragraphs??” “Yes. We want people to know who the Stars of the Show are.” “The stars of the show.” “Yes!” “And then we will introduce the Bride & Groom. And then there will be a song…” “A song??” “Yes. And the Father of The Groom will speak and then The Father of The Bride will make a speech and then…” “And when do you plan on feeding these people? They have basically in your hands since 5:30 and it’s nearly 8:00. And in all reality, we’re looking at a healthy 45 minutes before anyone gets served, right?” “Well, I guess.” “Which is over an hour later than we had set.” "Oh the people will be so entertained that they won't notice." "You think so, huh?" She just sort of stood there staring at Page 18. I shook my head and walked away.
But instead what they got was a 25 page program full of things like grand announcements and Vaudeville acts. We watched from the kitchen as The Guests found their place cards and looked longingly toward the kitchen. We considered sneaking out baskets of bread to table 23. The median age at that table was 74.3 and you could tell those folks were hungry. Sweet Aunt Mildred was picking snags of her sweater and I would swear she put the little pills of yarn in her mouth for sustenance. And who could blame her? She gave up her Canasta game to come pay her respects and – let’s be honest – get the free meal. She was nearly 4 hours after her normal dinner time and the stress of it was starting to show. The entire room was tense. You could tell people were tired of sitting, tired of waiting, and didn’t give two shits if the 3rd Bridesmaid in line “Was there when The Bride got her braces off”. People were dropping like flies. Some snuck out the back door. Others fell asleep at their tables. This lasted until approximately 9:15 – the time in which the first plate was served. People were desperate at this point. They shoveled the food into their mouths so fast it was like working a speed eating contest. But I totally got it. They were hungry.
Feed them early and feed them well, People.
Posted by Foodwhore at January 6, 2005 09:44 AM 
Wow...it's not just the guests who were patient, the caterer had a bit too. It's hard to argue with a bride, isn't it. You can stare at them in disbelief, but it's hard to argue. Afterall, it is their day. Still... Was there wine on the table? I imagine not as that wedding would have turned into a sauce-fest as guest reached for anything to consume. You write well!! And it's a damn fun blog to read. Tom... Posted by: Tom Wark at January 6, 2005 10:56 AM You hit the nail on the head. At my first wedding the flowers were seriously delayed, making the ceremony start 1.5 hours late. My instruction to the caterer (who was a friend)"Open the buffet when the guests arrive. We'll catch up later." Too bad you couldn't hear the comments of the guests. Posted by: Valerie at January 6, 2005 11:49 AM Please call my future SIL and tell her everything you have ever learned about how NOT to plan a wedding....PLEASE! Posted by: veg4me at January 6, 2005 05:45 PM I just started reading your blog and it's so funny. I printed out all your archives and my sister is reading them now. Thanks for sharing your stories with all of us. I can't believe how stupid some people are and how arrogant they can be. Posted by: sandy at January 6, 2005 09:30 PM I want to personally thank you because having been a person who didn't throw a big wedding (friends and family, count'em 10), and having not a ton of friends (hermit that I am), I have not been obliged to be at many wedding type gatherings. However, in a few years my daughter may be getting married and from what I understand, wants a little bigger wedding than I had. And what I will tell her is what you keep saying so eloquently here: The wedding is about YOU, the RECEPTION is about the GUESTS. Never thought about that before. Neat. Posted by: Ranta Lot at January 7, 2005 08:06 AM I once worked a wedding where the photographer fancied himself an artist and after the ceremony, kept the bride and groom across the street at city hall for TWO HOURS after the wedding. He had been alloted twenty minutes. At the end of the two hours, he then came into the reception where people were patiently waiting (NO appetizers either) and ordered all the seated guests to go across the street for a group photo. They dragged themselves out, some with walkers and canes in tow, only to attempt a group picture with two hundred people and have the security guard scream at them for taking pictures without permission. In the meantime, our chef is two hours over schedule and steaming mad. Sticky pasta coming up. The guests are fainting from hunger. And of course as soon as we served folks FLED the scene. Dumbass bride and groom. Posted by: Cynthia at January 7, 2005 09:42 AM  |