Diary of The Food Whore: It's A Good Thing There Was An Open Bar

« Turning The Tables? | Main | How Embarassing. »

It's A Good Thing There Was An Open Bar

February 06, 2005

So we're milling about the reception room last night bidding on silent auction items when The Sister leaned over and asked, "Do you smell something burning?"

I did. I had noticed it earlier, actually, and did a quick case of the tables to make sure the candles weren't fire jumping creating a case of possible mayhem.

But it wasn't the candles.

I took a sip of champagne and nibbled on my slice of brie and replied, "I think they have burned something we're about to eat and I am starting to re-think my logic in not taking more grapes of the champagne table for fear of looking like a pig."

At the same time The Super Hyper Friend approached and asked, "Do you smell something..."

With that, The Sister and I raised our eyebrows and tilted our heads in the direction of the kitchen.

It all started out earlier in the day when I was doing a final check on the seating arrangements when The Competitive Caterer was there setting up the buffet stations. I smiled and said hello and got nothing in response. The Event chairperson was standing next to me and said, "I think you just got snubbed."

"I did, indeed."

"Bad blood?"

"Oh, no. I think it's more of a mind game. He's trying to get the upper hand in attitude."

"He's trying to beat you at the Attitude Game?"

"Yeah."

"And he's met you, right? I know very few people with as much attitude as you - and I mean that as a compliment."

"No you don't."

"You're right, I don't. But it is part of your charm."

"Oh I think so, too."

So the afternoon went on and just before I left to go home and get ready for the evening, I took one last opportunity to be nice. I said the tables looked fantastic and I couldn't wait for all the great food.

I got nothing in response.

So by the time I came back a few hours later I could smell a hint of burned something in the air, which is when I did my candle check. It dawned on me as I was walking passed the kitchen entrance that the smell was wafting into the dining room from there.

And honestly, my heart fell. Not out of selfishness fearing that my food would be icky. But because anyone who's ever been in food service understands that shit happens - and it happens at the most inopportune times. Things burn, breakers blow and ovens die, things get dropped and broken. It's the nature of the business that most nights can run as smooth as silk and then there are nights that you can't even get the damn can opener to work.

And I reminded myself that mocking those who ride the same train will only come back to haunt you.

But then I saw The Competitive Caterer again and again I smiled, and again I got nothing. So I thought, "screw it - game on."

Now - before I go on - let me say that the percentage of people who can't control themselves at a buffet is about 2 in every 10. And what I mean by, "cant' control themselves" is that they can't seem to get the main concept behind a simply tool like a tong and they throw food all over the damn table. So you almost need one person just overlooking tables and reaching in to clean up around the serving pieces just to keep it from looking like breakfast time at a frat house. It's also something we spend a lot of time bitching about in the kitchen.

And as I saw last night, this group was no exception. Except The Competitve Caterer didn't have someone watching over the table to clean up the spills because it was a mess. It looked like The Tazmanian Devil had touched down in the salad greens and then took a swan dive into the mushroom sauce. Which, I later found out, was the offending burning smell coming from the kitchen.

Beyond that, the beef was cold, the vegetables over done, and the breads were dry. And everyone at my table agreed that it was a good thing there was an open bar.

And then I felt bad because God - it can happen to anyone. Your worst fear is that you'll run out of food or it will just be bad. And no matter how many times you do it and now matter how confident you get you keep that fear in the front of your brain so as not to get so cocky that you do dumb things like burn the mushroom sauce.

As the night went on I observed that I was not the only one being snubbed and treated poorly. It became clear to me that The Competitive Caterer must not have received the memo from Whore School that stated you must always save the bitching for the kitchen and put on a big smile when your everywhere else. Pick only on the unruly and use every ounce of charm you have when dealing with the rest.

And remember to always be on your best game in case someone in the room has a blog.

Posted by Foodwhore at February 6, 2005 09:16 PM

Well fine job for not pointing at him and shouting loser for all of the party to see. I mean in that guys neck! Who is able to work with, live with, drink with, party with, the people in our industry, and still have such a lack of respect. Civility is at the core of our industry. You say hello to the line when you clock in, you say hello to each wait and manager as you first see them during your day. If you were in a fist fight with the bus boy the night before, you still say hello and act like professionals while you have your jobs to do.
But to snub another person who does the same job you do, twice in the same night? WTF? Don't think twice about posting his schoolyard behavior here. I would have put my hand to his chest to shake, then complimented his sauce and his "laser sharp" skills in overseeing the kitchen on such a well attended night.

That was karma knocking on his door for some past due collections.

I am enjoying your posts, keep it up.

Paul

Posted by: Paul at February 6, 2005 11:15 PM

Sounds to me like their lack of class was reflected in the quality of their product - both food and service. Unfortunate for the customer who hired them and unfortunate for the guests.

Posted by: HomefrontSix at February 7, 2005 08:01 AM

Isn't it fun to know that you can be a whore, but that you are a high class whore vs. a competitive, charmless cretin?

Looks like we know who WON'T be catering their next event!

Posted by: veg4me at February 7, 2005 11:47 AM

I never fail to leave your site without a deep chortle or three at every post. You are simply amazing. Don't stop !!

Posted by: Alder at February 7, 2005 08:30 PM

I hope you handed out business cards!!

Posted by: Dr Alice at February 8, 2005 05:33 PM

What a great post! I love your writing, and can't wait to read more of you. Thanks for activating my sense of humor during the early-morning, gotta-go-to-work coma...

Posted by: Fingerineverypie at February 9, 2005 03:35 AM