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« I Bet She Heard My Burp | Main | Grasp & Place » Social Graces
February 10, 2005
I don't do well at stodgy social functions. That's one of the reasons I love being a Caterer so much - I get to attend and see everything. But I get to do so from behind the scenes and not have to take part in all the protocol. I much better at serving snobs than I am being a part of their clique. I love to get dressed up, so it's not a fashion issue. It's just that I don't have the personality to sit still and make sure to keep my laughter at a low tone and pretend I am interested in mundane things for the sake of social graces. I am kind of the Bridgette Jones of social functions. So I wouldn't do well if I was invited to a place like Buckingham Palace for an audience with the Queen. I am sure I would say something off-color and cause some international incident forcing Tony Blair to denounce the United States right there on the front steps of 10 Downing Street.
I tried to hide out behind the chilled prawn display but was caught by the organization president - she wanted to introduce me to a potential client. And they approached me just as I was taking a bite of the cracker so they got to witness the large chunk of cracker and cheese tort tumble down my top an into by bra. Well, they didn't see the bra so much as the asumption the chunk had to stop somewhere. It was one of those slow motion moments when you have to stop yourself from doing the natural thing by shoving your hand down your shirt to retrieve the spillage (ok so maybe that's only natural for me) and in a then split second think of how you will handle the akwardness of the situation.
Two of the people laughed - men, of course. The other two - their wives - gasped slightly.
Posted by Foodwhore at February 10, 2005 11:24 AM 
*oups* as my french boyfriend says! I feel for you, since the same thing has happened to me, only not in public, thank goodness! Only one more thing -- Tony resides at *10* Downing Street, not 2 Posted by: New Reader at February 10, 2005 12:49 PM Ack! Thank you for that correction! I scanned it for errors and went right over that.
Posted by: Food Whore at February 10, 2005 01:28 PM Freaking fanTASTIC. I bet that's the most action those men have seen since in a while. Posted by: Fatemeh at February 10, 2005 02:29 PM You know the guys just wanted to help on that retrieval mission! Posted by: veg4me at February 10, 2005 02:34 PM Oh, the horror! I am a bosomy woman (luck me--not), which means that if I eat something crumbly or crunchy or anything that makes crumbs, little particles end up arrayed over the bodice of whatever I am wearing. In private, I call my breasts "the crumb shelf." Any bit of food that is not crumbly that feels the need to take a dive from my fork or chopsticks also ends up "on the shelf." Needless to say, I have worked hard to become halfway deft when it comes to feeding myself in social situations. I have also had to devise methods to de-crumb the shelf in a discreet fashion when the need arises. I feel your pain--completely. On the other hand, I am sure that with time, you will laugh about it, and it will develop into a very funny story you can tell friends and family. Posted by: Barbara at February 10, 2005 07:38 PM Perfect save! LOL! Posted by: wilsonian at February 10, 2005 07:57 PM Brilliant line! I mean, hey, if you're going to address the problem head-on, a splash of wit is the way to go. I'm sure those men were thinking... wow, she's got guts AND style! BTW, love the new look! Bold and sassy definitely looks good on you. :) Posted by: baklavaqueen at February 11, 2005 03:33 AM OMG I have no idea how I found you but I think your blog is BRILLIANT! Loving it! And I love food too ^_^. Posted by: jasmine at February 11, 2005 07:36 AM Perfect! You can't just pretend like nothing ever happened, when it so obviously did, so better to laugh it off than get all flustered. When I was in college, I had a spanish prof who looked like Charo, and always wore low cut, crossover in the front blouses. My RA was getting some help after class one day, and Charo's boob fell right out of her top. HER BOOB. FELL OUT. OF HER TOP. She just hoisted it up and put it away like nothing ever happened. RA never asked for help outside of class again, and is probably still traumatized. See, kids?? You can't just pretend like nothing happened! Posted by: Kate at February 11, 2005 09:39 AM Should've really got them going and asked the husbands to help you dig it out. Uppity lil bitches. Either that, or you should've excused yourself with a big burp. Posted by: LaJhen at February 11, 2005 09:40 AM Too funny. I would have said "Well, I'm going to finish my cracker now...." Posted by: Carly at February 11, 2005 01:34 PM I am the biggest klutz on this planet so I know exactly what happened to you. The only time I haven't dropped food on me was at my wedding. I behaved myself - tried to drink less - and it worked. I didn't drop a thing and we had stuff that was potentially dangerous on the menu - fried lobster pakoras, buckwheat blini, roasted capon with a blueberry dressing, hollandaise sauce on the salmon - it could've been just terrible. A klutz is forever a klutz. Last night while i was cooking, I dropped 3 things right onto the floor. Had to throw them out and wash my hands again. I also almost cut myself with my chef's knife. Sorry to hear this happened in public. That can be embarrassing. You seem to have handled it pretty well. Glad to here there are other klutzes in the world. My mom used to call me Queen Klutz, it still stands to be true. This is sooo many years later. Join the club! RisaG Posted by: RisaG at February 13, 2005 05:52 AM  |