Diary of The Food Whore: Nickle and Dime'd to Death

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Nickle and Dime'd to Death

March 29, 2005

I really do have a fabulous clientele - for the most part, I mean.

More often than not people request a certain menu, ask for a submittal, sign the contract, and off we go.

And we do have our share of people on a tight budget. And I am all about making it work for people. Everyone deserves a wonderful event, whatever that may be, and we have great menu choices for those who can't afford the prime rib dinners. We have a trick coming up next month, in fact, for a young bride and she's paying for it all herself. She's on a tight budget and is completely willing to do whatever it takes to stay within her budget and not make our job impossible at the same time. For her - we will throw in extra fabulousness because she deserves it.

And then we have people like the lady I spoke with today. I almost told her not to bother because I have dealt with her before and it's the same every single time. I am sure I have even blogged about her before.

And the thing is, it's not a budget issue. She and her husband have enough money to buy China - and I mean the country, not the service ware. But they will try and nickle and dime you to death.

"Is the fruit cheaper cut up and tossed together like a salad or on a big display?"
~ It's actually cheaper if I drive my van by your house and throw it at your car.

"Is the chicken cheaper served sate' style or the whole breast?"
~ How about we just put a coop on the table and anyone fast enough to catch and kill the bird gets chicken that night.

"Are the potatoes cheaper mashed or served cut up and roasted?"
~Hm, how about Stove Top, instead?

"Is there any kind of menu I can get for about $5.00 per person?"
~Yes, I belive it's #2 at McDonald's.

"If you opt not to wash your hair and wear make-up that night, can we get a cheaper rate on the service?"
(Ok that was made up in a fit of dramatics)

Blah blah blah BLAH.

I once sat across from her and her husband in a restaurant and watched them try to order the salmon dinner, but they wanted it split. When the waiter informed them of the $2.50 splitting fee, they opted to just order one dinner and eat off the same plate. And seriously, they could have actually put half the food on her diamond ring, it's so big.

But I mean, who does this???

It makes me want to scream.

Her husband is a tax accountant and I am completely tempted to call and ask if it's less expensive for him to dictate the numbers to me over the phone or actually write them down on paper.

Cheap bastards.

Posted by Foodwhore at March 29, 2005 06:30 PM

Those tax accountants can be real bastards to work with.

(Did I just say that out loud?)

Posted by: Barb at March 30, 2005 03:54 AM

"It's actually cheaper if I drive my van by your house and throw it at your car."

I will laugh out loud about this comment all day long. Thanks!

Posted by: Kristin at March 30, 2005 06:54 AM

Those folks are cheap, but how about this:
Two single folks and one married couple dine together. The married couple insists on splitting the bill THREE ways, one part each for the single folks and one part for the married couple! Yes, each part of the married couple had his/her own dinner. But because they were married, they were a unit. That had to be the reasoning, faulty though it may be. (And the male part of the married couple is a real estate developer and the female part is a business executive, so they do have dough.)

Posted by: Annie at March 30, 2005 07:35 AM

Love your web site, FW, just love it.

It's funny how the amount of money people have or earn seems to correlate little with how generous or stingy they are.

Posted by: Cory at March 30, 2005 10:26 AM

"I believe it's the #2 at McDonalds."

ROFL ....you should have told her Taco Bell....I think that'd work out cheaper for her...

Posted by: Amy at March 30, 2005 11:04 AM

Oh dear.

Maybe the .99 value menu at the local fast food joint would suit her better.

And I can totally picture you driving by her house (dressed undercover of course) throwing fruit at her car. Not a fruit sald either. It'd have to be something big and heavy.....like a watermelon.

Posted by: Lina at March 30, 2005 12:32 PM

Knowing you as I do, I wonder how you don't verbally beat the crap out of each and every one of these nutjobs.

Posted by: veg4me at March 31, 2005 07:07 AM

that's great. my clients nickle and dime me too.... I had someone ask "can I get that down to $20 per person?" when it's a buffet for 60 people, with only 2 people in the kitchen and 2 servers out front. I actually used the KFC line on her!!! "Well, you know, there's a difference between having a nice, catered event with servers and a beautiful buffet and that kind of thing. That's why you're calling me instead of just getting a bucket of chicken from KFC, right?" -- oh, and I thought I was doing her a favor, since as it was, I was trying to be really tight already, and my price was only $30 per person. Sheesh!!

Posted by: MisChef at March 31, 2005 11:07 AM

OH!! Wait!! I got another one!! The couple I met with last night, to negotiate details about a mother's day brunch:

I charge by the hour, not by the head. The client asked "Do you have to arrive so early?" I'm arriving at 7:30 to serve brunch for 12 people at 10:30. I am making scones from scratch and prepping omelette fillings that morning. How long do you think it would take YOU? Do you want me to just pop open a tube of pillsbury cinnamon rolls, or do you actually want the home-made apricot scones you asked for?

Then he actually asked me, "Well, if you left right after the food was finished, and we did all the dishes ourselves, would that save us some money?"

Yes, yes it would. In fact, if you made all the food yourselves, yeah, that would save you money too.

GAH!

Posted by: MisChef at April 1, 2005 03:30 PM

MisChef, remind me again why we do this for a living?

Posted by: The Food Whore at April 2, 2005 10:43 PM

no question in my mind why we still do it: once in a while, someone really, really appreciates us.

I live for the applause I get after I come out to explain the cheese course, or when I'm about to set the desssert on fire. I savor that sacred moment when someone peeks into the kitchen and asks for a card. I relish when one of my *servers* pays me a compliment, or sends me an email telling me "I've worked for a lot of caterers, and YOU have got it going on."

That's all. I just want someone to let me know that they appreciate all the effort and concentration - and love - I've put into their event.

We sure don't do it for the money! ;-)

Posted by: MisChef at April 4, 2005 11:34 PM