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« Simply Complicated | Main | A Mixed Blessing » Greens
April 11, 2005
I have never been fond of the types of foods that are cooked until they wind up a pile of what looks like regurgitated grass clippings. Things like spinach, greens (mustard, collard, etc.), or the asparagus The Great Aunt insisted upon boiling on High until the tiny spears emuslfied into what looked like a Gerber product. (We were always sure to arrive early for holidays so we could stand watch over the stove and turn off the burners before such an offense took place.) I like food fresh tasting - with a bite. I love fresh spinach in a salad or tossed every so quickly in oil and garlic. Things that are mushy and stringy make me gag - in fact I just did a tiny gag as I typed the words, "Mushy and stringy". (And just now as I typed them again... *gag*)
Especially when it comes to things like this:
Collard Greens.
In honor of our arrival, The Husband's Mother had cooked a huge meal of The Husband's favorite foods, right down to the steaming pot of collard greens. And she invited everyone over to meet - The New Woman. As I was shaking hands and being greeted with hugs I could see the food being loaded on to large platters and being put on the table. It all looked and smelled so wonderful but small beads of sweat started to form on my brow at the stress of those greens. I blamed it on the oppressive humidity. Being the guests of honor, we were made to go first in the food line. "Now be sure to take a little big of everything!", came the command from The Husband's Mother. And was looking directly into my eyes as she said it. I laughed nervously as I took a spoonful and tried not to gag at the stringy pieces. Soon everyone had their plates full and we were sitting all over the house talking and laughing and enjoying the wonderful food. The Husband could see me avoiding the greens and whispered to just push them on to his plate when no one was looking. And just as I was getting ready to do so, The Husband's Mother said, "You haven't touched your greens. Don't you like greens?", and all mouths went shut and all eyes were on me. The Husband spoke up in my defense, "Of course she does, Mom. But I wanted more and didn't want to seem like a pig so I told her to give me hers." His mother smiled and said, Now don't be silly. You are home, you are supposed to be a pig here!", and with that she scooped up his plate to get him more greens. And there I sat, all eyes in the room on me, digging my heel so deep into The Husband's foot I think he still has a scar. So I ate the greens and prayed to God on each and every bite that I would not gag. And they had great flavor. But that texture...*gag*
Smart man, The Husband. The thing is, greens are really good for you. They are full of antioxidants. But they are also tough and bitter in their raw form. And I made it my mission in life to turn them into an edible product without stewing them into a mushy and stringy mass. (Again with the gagging) And this is one of the things I came up with. Posted by Foodwhore at April 11, 2005 07:01 PM 
Great recipe (love the pork fat comment - that's what fat is for!). And what a triumph after Trial by Greens presided over by Judge Mother-in-Law. Posted by: kitchen hand at April 12, 2005 04:49 AM AWESOME! I love this whole entry, and the recipe with pics especially. Does the Husband like greens now?? Posted by: Elizabeth at April 12, 2005 06:37 AM Keep The Husband! He's one of the rare ones: a man who will eat greens to please his mother. . . and cover for his wife in a tough situation! Posted by: Annie at April 12, 2005 08:19 AM I wrote an entry about greens way back in January which notes that you cannot have greens without pork fat in them, or else all they taste like is bitter and green. Pork fat has a natural sweetness that counteracts that bitterness. Also, even some of us Southerners eschew the godawful stringy greens thing. There are ways around that. Taking out the central rib of the leaves is essential, as that is where a lot of the nasty stringiness lives. Also, I don't overcook my greens. I just don't. When mine are done, they are still in recognizable pieces and they are smothered in bacon fat, garlic, chiles, caramelized onions and chicken broth. I have never had anyone, black, white, southern or northern not like them. And what is best--they are cooked in thirty minutes, from the beginning of prep to the opening of the pressure cooker--which is the secret, right there. Anyway--great post, as always! Posted by: Barbara at April 12, 2005 08:31 AM You are a better daughter-in-law than I am. My MIL made her famous saurkraut and dumplings during one of my first visits. I almost gagged at the smell alone. Now she only makes it when I'm not there. Posted by: Barb at April 12, 2005 12:29 PM That recipe sounds great! I am a collard, mustard and turnip green lover! My mama's family is from Louisiana, and they do cook those greens to death. I like to cook them just until tender (of course starting with sauteing the onions and garlic in bacon fat) then hit them with a good amount of apple cider vinegar. The sweet and smoky bacon fat, tart and tangy vinegar and mild bitterness of the greens.......heaven! Love your blog by the way. Posted by: ChefCDL at April 12, 2005 01:51 PM Oh boy...I'm de-lurking over this. Even though I'm Southern I've never had collard greens. I love turnip greens, mustard greens, and polk sallet (yes, polk sallet). But I can understand why some people don't like them. Great post. The recipe sounds really yummy! Posted by: Amy Beth at April 12, 2005 04:48 PM I hate writing recipes too. The required precision. The weight of responsibility. I laughed outloud when I read your "Four (or 40) garlic cloves, and "chiffonade (or torn)." Humorous recipes...a new genre? Posted by: Elizabeth at April 12, 2005 05:20 PM OMG that sounds perfect, looks amazing and I have printed it out! Next time these southerns ask me if I can cook anyting with green...this Yankee girl is serving this up!!! Posted by: Gail at April 13, 2005 09:15 AM I had a pet iguana for 10 years. I fed her collard greens. They come "out" looking very similar to the stuff they serve in Indian restaurants. I simply can't eat the stuff... Posted by: MisChef at April 13, 2005 12:15 PM Hello Ms. Whore, Posted by: Joel Cooking Fresh at April 14, 2005 12:59 PM I will take your word for it. I am NOT going to mix collards with pasta. In any event, I like mixed greens, and use smoked turkey for seasoning. Posted by: Valerie at April 15, 2005 07:29 AM Amen! Thanks for your post! I was so very, very thrilled to find out that we moved to a grocery where you could get collard greens all the time. I saute mine with onions, chickenbroth and a little red wine and freshly ground pepper. I have a stiff rule that they are not to cook on the stove for more than 5 minutes. We eat them at least once a week. Posted by: Imogene Cooks at April 16, 2005 12:14 PM lake powell Posted by: lake powell at April 25, 2005 02:24 AM  |
