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« Go Ahead And Cry Over Spilled Cream | Main | Whores Shouldn't Wear White » Well ,This Should Be Fun
July 18, 2005
Remember This Lady?
"Hello? Yes. I have it down here that you will be on site for 3:00 arrival. Are we still on schedule?" I had to think for a minute what on earth she was talking about. And then I looked down at the bottom of my notes where I circled the words, 'This one's going to be a mondo pain in the ass.' "Yes, we are still on schedule." "Can you drop the linens off earlier than that? I want to have some time to decide about centerpieces." "Actually I have made arrangements to deliver our china, stemware, flatware and linens the night before. It cuts down on work for us the day of the event. So everything will be on site." "Is that going to cost me extra?" "No. We're doing it for ourselves, so it won't cost you extra." "Will you have someone on your staff who can light the floating candles just before we arrive. I have centerpieces with floating candles and I want them lit before we get there." "Oh, that's no problem. In fact, if you want to leave us some instructions we would be happy to place the centerpieces on the tables after we dress them." "I am totally capable of taking care of my own centerpieces. Are you saying I can't do my own centerpieces?" "Oh, goodness no. I was just offering to be..." "And besides. I want the flowers floating 'just so' and I feel the best person to get it right is myself." "You're probably right." "Which brings to mind - whomever you get to light the candles, please tell them to be mindful of the flowers." Below my aforementioned circled notes I wrote, "Stupid Cow, Sink the floating flowers" and ran over it a few times with yellow hi-lighter pen. Posted by Foodwhore at July 18, 2005 01:45 PM 
In a former life, I had a job where I had to do a lot of hand-holding at large events. I was basically in charge of whatever happened to be the biggest pain in the ass for that evening. Thanks for being the only one to give me a very real flashback to that time. You are a saint. Posted by: jen at July 18, 2005 04:58 PM People like that drive me to drink. And smoke. And all sorts of other things that keep me from snatching the fools baldheaded. Posted by: Barbara at July 18, 2005 05:10 PM I think you must be working for my sister this time. Maybe slip something in the water, so that the flowers floating in the bowls will die? Posted by: Carmen at July 18, 2005 07:26 PM What is it about floating flowers anyway? And what happened to vases? It's a dinnertable, not a pond. Next they'll have frogs in them. Posted by: kitchen hand at July 18, 2005 08:29 PM We prefer vases. The Friend is a professional florist and we get the most amazing centerpieces. Not a floater in the bunch. I am not so much a fan of the floater. And I don't want to be the source of sarcasm to The Client but unless she ties tiny achors to those flowers they aren't going to stay put. Posted by: The Food Whore at July 18, 2005 09:52 PM Totally, the flowers will get waterlogged and sink. We can hope. Posted by: Melissa at July 19, 2005 09:58 AM Don't forget the baby ruth candy bars to go along with the flowers. It's a match made in heaven. Biggles Posted by: Dr. Biggles at July 19, 2005 10:03 AM Gelatin will ensure they don't move Posted by: Michael at July 19, 2005 03:41 PM Everytime I read a post like this about your demon spawned clients, I kneel down and thank God for the clients he has given me thus far. You'd better add an extra pitcher for lemondrops to your gear list... Posted by: Paul at July 20, 2005 12:05 AM Maybe not frogs, but at the wedding at the club (where I work as a cook) last weekend, we had table centerpieces with a floating flower and a live FISH swimming around inside. No kidding. Love reading your Blog, BTW. It's a constant source of amusement and commiseration. Thank you for sharing when you can. :) Posted by: Stephanie at July 20, 2005 06:11 AM We Tricked a function last year with live fish as centerpieces. It made me crazy. I am no member of PETA but seeing those poor fish with drunk people knocking on their little round display cases made me crazy. And I couldn't stop wondering what was going to happen to them when the night was over. We considered a Finding Nemo like rescue. Posted by: The Food Whore at July 20, 2005 01:08 PM You would love me as a client. I am the one who is perfectly content to turn the matter of decorations, table settings, etc. over to the caterer. Posted by: Valerie at July 20, 2005 07:52 PM Stupid Cow Pass me another lemondrop, please!
Posted by: CarrieCann at July 20, 2005 10:05 PM  |