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« Let The Machine Get It. | Main | Happy Feet » Mind Your Own Ham Business
September 07, 2005
What is it with people and their ham? This is the second client I've battled with over ham. See, I just got out of a Trick meeting and in attendance was The Bride (TB), The Bride's Sister (BS), the Bride's Mother (BM) and myself (FW).
FW: "Of course, we..." BS: Looks to her sister The Bride, "Are you sure you want them to do both? That seems like a lot of work. Shouldn't they be focusing on the reception? Wouldn't that be stretching them too thin?" TB: Looking to me, "Am I asking too much?" BS: "Well you don't ask her that. I mean. Use your head." FW: "If I may interrupt and perhaps even speak for myself...we can do The Tea and we would be more than happy to." TB: "I thought so, thank you." BS: Dramatic eye roll. TB: "My grandmother used to make these open faced sandwiches on crust-less white bread topped with cream cheese, ham, and asparagus. Would you be OK with making those?" BS: "Oh God. I hate those. Can't you do something else?" FW: "We would be happy to make those." While lifting eyebrow at BS. TB: "Thank you so much. I would also like rolled sandwiches, do you make those? You know, the kind on Pullman bread? I know they are old fashioned. But that's kind of what I am going for." FW: "We do, yes. In fact I just made some for a luncheon last month." TB: "Fabulous! OK. I want chicken salad and ham salad." BS: "More ham? So what - you want everyone to bloat like a balloon? Good grief, use your head." BM: Looks at me and rolls her eyes. And yet remains silent. TB: "If you don't shut your mouth I am going to add quiche Lorraine to the menu, too." FW: Smirking. "Ham salad and chicken salad are fine." TB: "Fantastic. And I would like..." BS: "You're seriously going to have all that ham?" TB: *Sigh* Yes I am going to have all that ham." FW: "What else would you like?" TB: "I would like a couple of vegetarian options, maybe a cucumber and dill and..." BS: "You know what I would love to see you have? That Italian meat stuff wrapped around melon. Remember? We had that at Tracy's party?" BM: "You mean prosciutto?" BS: "Is that what it's called? Yeah. That was really good." FW: Looking at TB and BM, "Do you want to tell her or do I get to tell her?" TB: "Oh, please. You deserve it." BS: "Tell me what? What's the big deal?" FW: "This prosciutto you're thinking of?" BS: "Yeah?" FW: "It's ham."
Posted by Foodwhore at September 7, 2005 03:08 PM 
HAHAHA...you've got to be kidding me, you're making that up!? No one can be that stupid. Oh gawd what's the world coming to...sigh Posted by: Chick Pea at September 7, 2005 09:49 PM I believe "stupid PIG" would have been apropos (did I spell that right??)... Posted by: HomefrontSix at September 8, 2005 01:43 AM Oh, I would have loved to have seen the look on her face. Posted by: Cynthia at September 8, 2005 02:47 AM OMG that's priceless! Her sister sounds like she's trying to make it her day. She needs to get a grip! Posted by: Dianne at September 8, 2005 05:47 AM I had to keep a straght face when I got an order for "promiscuitto" ..sounds like that pig got around... Posted by: Chubby at September 8, 2005 05:54 AM "THAT ITALIAN MEAT STUFF?????" My grandmother would smack her upside her head. Posted by: denise at September 8, 2005 06:50 AM ROFLOL! That's just too perfect :) I would have loved to have seen her face when you told her. Posted by: Alida at September 8, 2005 07:17 AM I like your use of initials: tuberculosis, bullshit and bowel movement. Seems appropos! Posted by: Lurker at September 8, 2005 09:05 AM omigod, sometimes I do not know how you keep from slapping them. brilliant! Posted by: gaile at September 8, 2005 09:36 AM The best just reward I've ever heard. Posted by: Dj at September 8, 2005 11:04 AM Brilliant. Just fucking brilliant. Posted by: Fatemeh at September 8, 2005 12:42 PM That's freaking awesome. Posted by: Damomma at September 8, 2005 07:42 PM Too funny...I had a non-pork-eating ethnic person ask for the same thing and had to explain that what they'd had at a party we'd done was....HAM. I am also a bit jealous. I have a link to your blog (one of my absolute faves!!) and had four e-mails this AM saying "HAVE YOU READ HER YET TODAY...YOU WILL LOVE IT." Keep it up, you make my day! Posted by: Alyce at September 8, 2005 08:27 PM whatevs. i just cant believe people like that exist. Posted by: violet at September 8, 2005 10:18 PM Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Posted by: mary at September 9, 2005 10:11 AM ROFL..too much! Posted by: emily at September 9, 2005 11:16 AM This made me laugh out loud. Love it. Posted by: megwoo at September 9, 2005 01:57 PM ah, must have felt good to point that out... *wink* Posted by: Lil at September 10, 2005 06:05 AM  |