Diary of The Food Whore: The Interpreter

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The Interpreter

September 27, 2005

I know my grammar is on par with the average 7 year old. And I know I misspell more words than Pamela Anderson at a MENSA conference.

But am I totally speaking a different language?

Am I completely unable to convey the message? Do I come across as the type of person who speaks in code like The Bush People Of Gourds on Their Penis??

DO I?

Did my opposible thumbs not write clear enough to make you read the very thing I spoke to you in person?

DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

When we sat down with Daffy Delores I was very clear. "We need a final count seven days - 7 days!! - prior to the event.

You DO NOT call me two days - 2 days!! - before the event to inform me that your numbers have increased by 120 people. And you don't say, "I am sure it will be no trouble. It's not that many people, right?" And when I gasp slightly you don't ask, "Are you put out with me?"

Hell yes I am put out with you. I have to call my supplier for a late shipment. I have to rearrange my oven schedule. I have to figure out a way to keep 10 more pans hot to the table when I am serving you and your 120 extra guests in a "really quaint and historic place full of charm" Full of charm my ass - there is no kitchen!

I mean, sure, with your charming personality I am sure if you invited me over for dinner and I decided to pick up every Tom, Dick, Harry and 117 of their closest friends, it would be no big deal, right? And, I am sure if I told you that the price just went up $40 a person, it would be no big deal, right?

Ten people is no big deal. 20 people can even be dealt with. But 120 people is an entire small down in Kansas.

IT'S A BIG DAMN DEAL.

BAUGH!

Posted by Foodwhore at September 27, 2005 02:40 PM

I'll be the first one to say it again:

I don't know how you do it.

Posted by: Wryly at September 27, 2005 04:22 PM

120 with only two days notice?!

Of course, there's gotta be some huge Pain In The Ass surcharge for that, right?

Posted by: Alida at September 27, 2005 10:03 PM

It would be awesome if 120 people got an empty plate with a nice notecard informing them of their hostess' inability to plan for their presence.

Posted by: Ben at September 27, 2005 10:42 PM

Just wanted to say this post was very clear indeed. Opposible thumbs working very well :)

Posted by: Margaret at September 28, 2005 12:20 AM

OMG! does she think she's a fairy godmother who can whip everything right at the last possible minute?? i salute you for putting up with this!

Posted by: Lil at September 28, 2005 01:22 AM

I agree with Ben - 120 people should get empty plates. Or maybe they can just share with someone else.

Posted by: Barb at September 28, 2005 03:28 AM

The saddest part is that she'll likely try to stiff you for some of those extras, saying that they didn't show up, or something.

the other question is how many were there to begin with? 120 over 100 is huge, 120 over a presidential inauguration won't be noticed by anyone except the caterer.

Good luck!

Yogi

Posted by: Yogi at September 28, 2005 03:52 AM

You could always have me ship you some of the fragant finger foods (which btw are still there this a.m.)left in my yard by my neighbors ugly ass dog.....and you know I so would, too!!

Posted by: Wendy at September 28, 2005 04:47 AM

Baugh?

Posted by: bill at September 28, 2005 09:41 AM

Some people say Arg! I say Baugh!

Food Whore Go Baugh. :-)

Posted by: the Food Whore at September 28, 2005 10:29 AM

Do I dare point out the typo about a "small down" :)

love your postings though and always bring a smile to my face. dont know how you deal with these people.

Posted by: S at September 28, 2005 11:30 AM

How could she have not known about these 120 people until 2 days in advance - 120 people didn't RSVP on time? What if you were unable to get the additional food or staff needed?

God, what a moron.

And yeah, what was the original head count?

Posted by: Jane at September 28, 2005 12:00 PM

I'm sure there'd be plenty of misspelling going on if Pamela Anderson turned up at a MENSA conference.

Posted by: kitchen hand at September 28, 2005 02:44 PM

"Food Whore go Baugh?"

Only if your name is Erin....

Posted by: Yogi at September 28, 2005 08:29 PM

Oh for the love of christ, that hoser would have gotten smacked with a huge Aggravation Fee were she dealing with me. (I've done the catering stint too.)

And where the hell are you located with whacked phrases like: 'Are you put out with me?'
Weird, weird, whacky, weird.

Posted by: Jen in Door County at September 28, 2005 09:56 PM

Forget the thumbs, the middle finger is the important digit in this case.

Posted by: haddock at September 29, 2005 04:49 PM

120 EXTRA people out of nowhere?

Man, I knew J. Lo had a big entourage, but-

Posted by: barrett at September 30, 2005 08:05 AM

Freaky bint. 120 extra people--what did a quarter of the crew of the Starship Enterprise just beam down and crash the friggin' party?

Posted by: Barbara at September 30, 2005 08:10 PM

Also agree with Ben...but the tastful notecard should inform them of the remaining 5 days left before the arrival of their dinners.

Posted by: Taz at October 3, 2005 07:53 PM

Posted by: xXLOMbWfvm at October 6, 2005 11:51 PM