I call assault with a shopping cart enough to warrant self defense. Whether that be with a ham and pineapple or a flying flip flop. I can't believe people (or this person) would take your rant so seriously to assume you would do such a thing. And should you find yourself in that situation, I want an aisle seat!!!! I'll bring the beer.

Whatever happened to reading comprehension? It was a very big deal when I was a kid in school...

Don't forget that sometimes ham is basted with Coca-Cola too.

I agree with David, and those little 8oz. cans would be great for rapid-fire assault.

Wait! Don't forget the whole cloves, too. Mmmmmm. Ham with pineapple, studded with cloves and basted with Coca-Cola.

Target in range! Fire one! Fire two!! Direct hit!! {with a wink to indicate subtle humor for the humor impaired who may be reading this}

Someone actually emailed you about that?! THREE TIMES?!

Holy cow. I bet it was the person who rammed your ankle.

Oh Good Grief!!! Some people need to get a clue and find a sense of humor! For what it's worth, I love your blog, and find you hilarious.

Oh. My. God. You are so funny!
Do you know that there is contingent of Americans living in Paris, that love you?
There is.

Ditto on the world needing a sense of humour......It would be very sad if you had to post a disclaimer before we could enter your site..

LMAO!!!

I must be stupid. Something I've never figured out is why people sent hate mail to others with whom they disagree. Doesn't anyone ever teach people to "change the channel" if they don't like what they see or read. What ever happened to "stop going there" if you don't agree. Why subject yourself to something you so obviously dislike again and again? Must be masochistic. I, myself, love this site and find the humor refreshing and just what the doctor ordered. Plus it's nice to know I'm not the only incurable klutz in this world. ;-)

Three emails for the price of one.

A bargain.

Some people need to have a clue phone installed in their homes so that every time they get a bizarro idea in their heads, like firing off three emails to a blogger who is telling a funny story, the phone will ring and a nice, calm voice on the line will tell them to take their special medication and have a nice sit down.

Wow, screw the crazy lady...your are hilarious!

"Cause, you know. Pineapple is good with ham"

BAR HAR HAR....I'll donate the maraschino cherries for this project, as long as I can watch.

Oh my god. this person needs to

GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, ya know a canned ham would really hurt, if squarely hit. And, as near as I can tell from your writing, with your luck it'd hit right on.
Maybe a soggy grocery store whole chicken would be safer? Fresh of course, not frozen. Or a nice beef brisket would give a good SLAP. Hmm, maybe a poor use for a nice brisket like that. I would vote for pelting the offending idjet with every open box of candy next to the check out lines. All the bright colors and odd shapes shooting at a high rate of speed would be really tough to dodge and could actually be quite pretty if one was to stand back far enough. And some lasers with some strobe lights, hooyah.
"Pelting of the Idiot at Checkstand 9, please bring pocket lasers."

Biggles

All this talk of flying ham makes me think this is turning into "The Food Whore: Osbourne Style"

In Oaxaca Mexico at the end of July they have a fiesta called La Guelaguetza. The short version is that the indigenous ppl from all over the state come to the capital to show off their dances and music and to share their products with other ppl - most of the products being agricultural.

During one of the dances, the dancers toss PINEAPPLES, yes, whole pineapples, into the crowd. They don't just toss, they chuck them quite hard. Heads up! Another reason I love Mexico. The wacky sense of fun and danger that has largely been eliminated from American life. Your shopping cart emailer should take a trip and get a clue.

Sounds to me like you need TWO canned hams - one for the shopping cart woman and one for the dipshit who has nothing better to do with their time than send you e-mails about your blog.

Good grief. Stop the world...I want to get OFF!

Robin in Ohio, you read my mind regarding the cloves.