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Food Fight
October 05, 2005

The Engaged Couple came in for a consultation.


It was, in their words, a "Fact finding mission".


Male Fiance' (MF) said, "We don't even know where to begin."

The Female Fiance' (FF) interrupted with, "What he means is we know what we like, but we don't know how to put it all together."


He looked at her and smiled. "She's right. That's exactly what I meant."

So I started asking some questions about likes and dislikes to get a feel for the direction they wanted to go.

MF - "Well I like a meaty meal. I would definitely like some beef of some kind because..."

FF - "Beef is so heavy. We don't want beef." Then she looked to him and said, "You really don't even like beef all that much? Where is this coming from?"

MF - "I love beef. You know that. My favorite meal is a thick and juicy steak."

FF - "Since when? You never order a steak when we go out for dinner!"

MF looked to me and said, "I do love beef. What our the options for that?"


I started to speak when FF interrupted and said, "You never answered the question. Since when do you like beef?"


MF sighed and said, "I don't always order steak when we go out because I can always have that at home. And I do. I lost count of how many times I cooked steaks on the BBQ this summer."

FF - "Oh whatever."


I rubbed my temples a little bit, and hoped that perhaps a meteor would strike the building and prevent me from having to run screaming out the door.


FF - "Beef is fine. Whatever. But I want to take into account a good vegetarian option."

MF - "Oh no way. You've got one vegetarian friend and we always have to make concessions for her. She can just pick whatever else is on the table."

FF - "She's not the only vegetarian out there."

MF - "Well I am not bending over backwards for those people. It's ridiculous."


"Actually", I said. "If I may interrupt. Having a good vegetarian option is really a great thing to have. A very good friend of mine is a vegetarian, and I know she appreciates where there are alternatives on the menu for her and her children."

FF - "See."

MF - "What a pain in the ass."

FF - "Why do you do that? Why do you have to be so crass?"

MF - "I am not crass. But I think it's fucking ridiculous to cater to 1% of our guests."


"Why don't we refocus here, and get some other ideas...", I started to say.


FF - "That's nice. Swear. What a nice thing to do in front of a stranger."

MF - "Look. First you tell me I don't like meat, now you tell me I can't swear? What's next, will I need permission to use the bathroom?"


I closed my eyes and sighed. Then I closed my notebook, and put my pen down.


FF - "Is there a problem? Are we done, here?"


"Well", I said. "Here's the deal. I think I know exactly what it is you need."

MF - "What?"

FF - "Oh?"


"Food is my specialty", I said. "But I am pretty safe in saying a caterer is not what you need."

MF and FF in unison, "What?"

FF - "What do we need?"


"A marriage counselor.


Have a nice day."


And with that I walked away.


Yeah, it would have been good blog fodder.


But there's not enough Lemon Drops in the world to numb the train wreck coming down the pike for these two.

Posted by Foodwhore at October 5, 2005 09:35 PM

I'm glad to know us vegetarians are doing our part to annoy the idiots of the world.

It's sort of a shame you won't get to see what that wedding turns out like.

Posted by: veg4me at October 5, 2005 10:39 PM

Right now there's a marriage counselor out there drowning in lemon drops.

Posted by: Barb at October 6, 2005 03:47 AM

You know, stupid MF guy, it's not just strict vegetarians that eat "vegetarian" food. There are lots of flexitarians out there as well. Or people who don't care to eat beef if they can avoid it.

Posted by: Tiberia at October 6, 2005 07:20 AM

Laughing - Nice one Barb!

Posted by: Katy at October 6, 2005 07:36 AM

It's all about choices (friends/food), and it looks like those two have made the wrong ones.

Posted by: Wryly at October 6, 2005 08:20 AM

ha! you may have just done them both a huge favor - that kind of contempt for one another wouldn't serve them well in a marriage. Hopefully they're mature enough to realize it's a bad idea to get married if you can't even be nice to each other at the caterers...

Posted by: gaile at October 6, 2005 08:40 AM

"Flexitarians" - i like that! Thats my kids. Daddy's a veg, Mommy's a carnivore, they're flexitarians.
Anyway - good for you FW, for those wise words. Hopefully, they'll actually do it, and not just run to a caterer who will be happy to cook for them regardless of their bickering.

Posted by: kellyr2 at October 6, 2005 09:16 AM

The scarry truth is that they probably don't have a budget for marriage counseling, but they are probably willing to spend an arm and a leg for the wedding and reception.

Oh, and maybe he would have preferred "meat on top of meat"? I mean, who wants to serve just steak, when you could serve a burger topped with bacon? (Just a snide vegetarian comment).

By the way, I saw one of those silly chocolate fountain things in a mail order catalogue. Maybe its a sign that that food fad will soon run its course? Let us hope.

Posted by: berecca at October 6, 2005 09:50 AM

Oh boy! And I wonder just how long they've been together? Because it sounds like they don't know each other too well! Maybe she was thinking of her lover when she was talking about the steak thing...Oh I'm sorry, that's mean isn't it?

Posted by: mandy at October 6, 2005 01:18 PM

Berecca: Those are even better with pastrami and a fried egg.

Mmmmmm.

Posted by: Sigivald at October 6, 2005 01:26 PM

mmmm... big fresh steak burger topped with goat's cheese and bacon... just how I like it!

Posted by: anne at October 6, 2005 03:15 PM

being in sales... don't customers suck!

I'm so glad to hear that you can walk away from that pain-in-the-ass situation!

Posted by: Darryl at October 6, 2005 04:36 PM

I have spent the majority of the past two days reading this entire site from back to front, and I just love it! You've taken up permanent residence on my links list on my blogger. Keep up the great writing!

Posted by: Helen at October 6, 2005 05:29 PM

That couple sounds like the old gag - "My wife and I go out for dinner twice a week. She goes on Tuesdays and I go on Fridays."

Posted by: kitchen hand at October 7, 2005 12:46 AM

I haven't heard that joke, Food Hand.

It's brilliant. LOL

And thank you, Helen!

Posted by: The Food Whore at October 8, 2005 09:16 PM

I wish I'd have had the same guts to walk away from a wedding client. But it was my friend's sister and I felt obligated to cater to her every whim.

"I don't want photos of that. I don't need photos of that. This [looking in portfolio], I don't need this."

*sigh* I shoot with a documentary style!

Go you. Always love to drop in and see what you're up to!

Posted by: annex at October 12, 2005 08:00 PM
 
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