Diary of The Food Whore: Intamacy Issues

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Intamacy Issues

October 24, 2005

When Laughing Lilly called me back in May to book her December function, she stressed to me that it would be small, intimate, and unique. Less than 100 people. Quaint venue. String quartet.

It was the only reason I agreed to take her on. We were basically booked for the weekend, but we could do small and intimate.

We spoke briefly on the phone about menu ideas, keeping our options open for new and unique items we may come across over the summer.

Over the last few months I have received three notes from her containing pictures and ideas of things she would like to see, each note was ended with, "Remember - small and intimate!"

So since Laughing Lilly was pretty clear about her function being small an intimate, I wasn't worried about the already-booked company party for 120 people. We don't generally like to double book. It's not that we can't do it, but we like to focus on one function at a time. And this one is a casual corporate buffet right after work, and the menu is pretty straight forward. We like the corporate stuff. People get drunk and seem to want to spill their guts about all their dirty cubicle secrets. Things like their affection for Phil in accounting, or how much they hate that bitch in reception. It's really quite entertaining.

And informative.

In fact, after the last corporate function, The client suggested that I keep a journal of all the crazy antics I witness.

Yeah. I will, um, look into that...

Anyway.

So imagine my surprise when Laughing Lilly informed me last week that plans had changed a bit.

She was actually giddy with excitement.

"Well, this thing has taken on a life of it's own! It's just so crazy!"

"What do you mean, exactly?", I said while tapping my pen on the table.

"Well, hee hee heee, it's no longer the small and intimate affair I've been raving about for the last 6 months."

"And by no longer small and intimate you mean..."

"Well, hee hee hee... first lets talk menu."

"No, first tell me how many people."

"Ok, well, are you ready??"

"No. But lay it on me."

"We're thinking it will be close to 450 people. And before you say anything, here me out... picture winter wonderland. Picture White Christmas. Picture 3 carving stations. Picture ice sculptures. Picture..."

Picture me holding up my hand to get the waiter's attention and ordering a lemon drop.

Picture me drinking the lemon drop and nodding my head as if I am really listening.

Picture me rubbing my temples.

Picture me filling out an application for McDonald's. Because frankly, that's where I am ready to get a job. Forget this madness. I will schlep french fries out a drive-up, and maybe I can start a grass-roots campaign and get them to start deep frying their apple pies again.

Posted by Foodwhore at October 24, 2005 08:17 PM

Errr... at least she let you know two months in advance instead of two days.

(How maddening!)

Posted by: Kitchen Chick at October 24, 2005 09:28 PM

I envy your composure. I would have sucked down the lemon drop and said 'picture me telling you that I can only do small and intimate' and then walked out. It's probably a really good thing I don't work in catering.

Posted by: Mindy at October 24, 2005 11:23 PM

Picture me piercing my temples with a high-powered bullet.

You're a braver woman than I am. That's why I only lasted a couple of years in the catering business.

Posted by: Tana at October 24, 2005 11:39 PM

Hey, I just saw the article in the Australian newspaper! You're famous!

Posted by: Tana at October 24, 2005 11:51 PM

oh gosh! quadruple the number???! i salut you, seriously!

Posted by: Lil at October 25, 2005 02:48 AM

That probably the only thing that could get me into a McDonald's. If I knew the Food Whore was in the back controlling the menu, I'd be there in a heartbeat. Plus, I know you'd serve McLemon Drops, Lol!!

Posted by: Barb at October 25, 2005 03:50 AM

Hysterical!
People dont realize that people real people make and cook the food. Most people I've met both catering and ala carte think that elves do all the work.
Jonathan

Posted by: Jonathan Leff at October 25, 2005 10:03 AM

McLemon Drops - holy cow.

That would bring about a revolution!

Posted by: the Food Whore at October 25, 2005 10:30 AM

Some people never come out of their own little worlds and see the big picture do they?

Oh and I'm with you on the fried pies. The ones they serve now taste like McCrap!

Posted by: Cheri at October 25, 2005 11:13 AM

Did you know you got a mention in the Aussie newspapers?
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2005/10/24/1130006035721.html

Posted by: milli at October 25, 2005 10:40 PM

So, seriously, what do you do with a client like this? Do you fire them?

Posted by: Tiberia at October 26, 2005 09:44 AM

The newspaper thing is beyond my comprehension - I am a little overwhelmed.

Posted by: the Food Whore at October 26, 2005 02:58 PM