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So I was in the grocery store yesterday, and it hit me that we're only one month shy of Thanksgiving or as you know I like to call it - The Most Adored Food Holiday In All The Land.

I cannot believe how fast the time has gone over the last year. I could swear I just made food for a 4th of July celebration, and there I was staring at a pile of sweet potatoes just dying to be sauteed in butter and brown sugar. I don't care so much for the marshmallow topping The Husband is so fond of. I like things simple - and buttery.

Anyway so you can feel it in the air, actually - this pre-holiday buzz. The supply of Halloween candy is pretty close to wiped out, and Christmas cards are starting to pop up in displays around the store. Which - Why do they do that to us? Why must we see The Christ Child next to wax vampire fangs? I found myself turning a box of cards around so the Virgin Mary wouldn't have to witness me buying skeleton candy.

And for the first time this year, I noticed people in the store had a different vibe. It's like their shopping has turned from day-to-day dull drums to the intensity that only the holidays can bring.

Some people, however, get a little bit too intense.

I was standing in the checkout line reading a Globe or Star or something like that with a cover story of the aliens who impregnated Katie Holmes, when the lady in front of me started harassing the checker about Turkey Dollars.

This particular store has a promotion where you get so many credits for each dollar spent and you can earn yourself a free turkey. The promotion hasn't started yet, and won't until November 1st. But for the lady in front of me, it was pretty clear waiting 4 more days to start racking up the credits would certainly ruin her day.

Wacko: When does the turkey promotion start?

Checker: On November 1st.

Wacko: The First?? Why are you waiting so long?

Checker: Well, ma'am. The first is Tuesday.

Wacko: I can't believe you haven't started it now!

Checker: I am sorry, ma'am. I don't have any control over that.

Wacko: Well I want my free turkey as soon as possible. Do you have
any idea how long it takes to thaw a frozen turkey.

Checker: Well, I mean. Thanksgiving is 4 weeks away.

The Checker shot a look back at me and I rolled my eyes and went back to reading the story of Charlize Theron being a secret boyfriend abuser.

Wacko: Well I cannot believe the store is waiting so long. This is a major inconvenience for me. I am already stressed about getting that turkey thawed.

Checker: Well, ma'am. I can give you our store manager's name. But I don't know what else to do for you.

Wacko: Well you can make sure I have enough time to thaw that turkey, that's what you can do.

Checker: Well, I don't mean to be disprespectful, but isn't it something like 5 hours of thawing time per frozen pound of turkey?

Wacko: Well you've clearly never cooked a turkey. It takes at least two weeks to thaw turkey properly. Sometimes longer!

That's when I couldn't help myself, I peeked over my magazine at the very same moment Wacko was looking back at me.

Wacko: Am I right? It takes a really long time.

Ah, crap.

Me: Well, um. No. I mean. It doesn't happen in a few hours. But she's right. They say the rule of thumb is 5 hours of refrigerated thawing time for every pound of frozen meat. So even the biggest turkey takes about five days. Six days at the most. You can actually do it quicker in a cold water bath, but it involves changing the water often and...

Six days? Ha ha ha! Clearly you've never cooked a turkey. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. What would you know about it?

I stood there for a moment chuckling to myself.

"Well, I do know that I don't like to reduce the people I serve to fits of projectile vomiting and diarrhea. But that's just me. You might want to give the Health Department a call or do a little research on-line about proper thawing. You might be surprised what you find out."

And I smiled and went back to reading.

She scoffed and turned back to the checker, who was biting her lip in an attempt to keep the laughter at bay.

Ah how I do love the Holidays.

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