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« Bridezilla 1 | Main | Yuck Ptooey Bleh » No Money For Bridezilla
December 20, 2005
Done. The Marathon 15-Day Tricking Event is finally over. Well, until next week. But for now I can rest - well - after I pick up my last two gifts at the store. That's right - I am reduced to shopping on Christmas Eve with the rest of the crazies. So, Bridezilla. It was 1:00 a.m. and we all smelled of fish and chicken and food - and the smell of exhaustion and angst. As I said, there were 332 people there by our plate count. Not 450. Oh, but we had enough food for 450. There was food everywhere. And while we had to make that much food - because that's what they ordered. I was angry to think of all the extra work we had to do based on the dramatic thinking of a white-dressed twit. The tension of the night was palpable - it wasn't just us. The Parents of Bridezilla, The Parents of The Groom, the guests, even. It wasn't your average night where people are laughing and celebrating. Everyone had been privy to the monster that Bridezilla had become, and everyone was tired of her. The Guests were very complimentary and kind, but they all had this vibe going like they just wanted to eat and get the Hell out of there. The Partner and I stood in the back to watch it all go down. The music started, and the MC started his bidding. And the room was silent. Not one person waved so much as a dollar bill in the air. Instead most sat with arms folded, including the parents of the Bridal couple. Finally someone held up a dollar and the dance got started - but that was it. One crisp dollar was given, and the MC saved face by having the DJ crank the music and getting everyone on the dance floor. We made our way back to the make-shift kitchen and began to laugh. And the laughter just rolled and rolled and rolled until we had tears. Our entire Staff laughed until we all were holding our stomachs in pain. Our Lead Server straighted her apron and said, "Serves the bitch right." This from a person who never says anything angry or off-color - which then made us all roll with more laughter. The laughter was very therapeutic. It was the perfect capper for the night. But then the reality of all the work left set in and we went back to hauling and washing and loading. And see, there's another parallel issue that had been happening during this entire event. I had just put down a tote full of china when the call came in - and I wanted to come unglued. But I didn't. I simply said, "The price you were given was fair. And your comments are offensive, but pretty on par with my week. We clearly are not able to meet your needs, so please feel free to call another Caterer. I am in the middle of another Trick, so I have to go now. Have a nice day." And then I threw my phone in the van so hard that the battery dislodged and flipped into a pile of butter. Served me right. So during the service portion of Bridezilla's affair, I ran across Cheap Cheryl at table 32. She sat there with her head down, and her face got red as she saw me trying to manage a stack of dirty plates. Stupid Cow. So later Bridezilla's mother made her way to the kitchen to say how wonderful everything was, and to say thank you for putting up with all the crap. And she got our her checkbook and wrote me a check for the bill - and paid for all 450 guests. As she closed her checkbook she said, "Again, I am so sorry. It's my fault, too. I raised the little bitch. And somewhere down the road, she will be paying me back for all 118 guests who didn't show up. Life is about to get really hard and really gritty for her." How sad to have what should be a fabulous night for all to be filled with such anger an animosity. But that's what happens to some people. And we seem to cater for them all. Posted by Foodwhore at December 20, 2005 10:32 AM 
I can't wait. Posted by: Jane at December 20, 2005 11:16 AM But can you bill for the 450 Bridezilla told you anyway???? Posted by: kaphine at December 20, 2005 02:14 PM I love twits! They make for such good stories. Posted by: sie at December 20, 2005 03:23 PM Make a marzipan effigy of BrideZilla's mother. Place effigy carefully on driveway. Put car in reverse. Back over effigy (with windows down)and enjoy the moment. Posted by: wordgirl at December 20, 2005 05:05 PM I certainly hope you billed her (and collected) for all the people she said were coming. And I hope that SHE personally delivered all the wasted food to the local homeless shelter....oh, yeah, right... Bridezilla... Dang - wish I'd known I could have pulled these stunts way back when. I even said please & thnk you to the folks who made my day so special. Whooda thunk??? Posted by: V at December 20, 2005 05:10 PM I think you used the wrong vowel in "twIt"...
Posted by: HomefrontSix at December 20, 2005 05:51 PM Oh-you have to bill for 450 maws,even if they didn't show up. You MUST tell us about every fuck-up, and how you averted them with your pro-power. Most of them don't get how pro-power works and thinks because they're paying, think they're right. NOT. Posted by: ben at December 20, 2005 06:06 PM **baited breath** Posted by: shelley at December 20, 2005 08:58 PM 332? Oh, she so had that coming. And you so rock for not having murdered her and writing "332" on the cake. In her blood. Um . . . you didn't, right? Posted by: ilyka at December 20, 2005 10:14 PM Ooohhh....... RED RUM..... RED RUM!!!!! Posted by: Lynn at December 21, 2005 04:23 AM And I bet she was shocked when all of her "friends" didn't show up. Sheesh! Posted by: Dianne at December 21, 2005 05:55 AM How pretentious of her to have a wedding right before Christmas anyway! Like, I'm sure no one will have anything else going on! Gah!!! I hope you now add a "Bridezilla Clause" to all contracts. Godspeed FoodWhore. Posted by: Kim at December 21, 2005 06:08 AM **more baited breath** Please, FW, don't leave us in suspense! Share all the gory details, please?? 332...hah, hah, hah, hah, hah! Posted by: Robin in Ohio at December 21, 2005 09:11 AM what a real eejit! bill her, bill her!! Posted by: Lil at December 21, 2005 02:12 PM Please say you billed her. Don't set a bad precedent for caterers/wedding planners everywhere. \;+) At least it's behind you, now. Posted by: B'gina at December 21, 2005 08:01 PM What astounds me is that someone as annoying, and obviously bitchy, would even have 450 people that could tolerate her that would be willing to get dressed up, shell out cash for a gift, and take some of their precious free time to attend the little twit's wedding. Maybe it's just a bunch of sad sack relatives. Heck, if she were my relative she'd be lucky to get a card. Maybe all contracts need an "asshole" fee for those particularly annoying pinheads. Posted by: Mrs. Bluebird at December 22, 2005 07:56 AM WHORES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE TEASES!! They're WHORES for crying out loud!! Sheesh. Now we have to wait and find out about Twit Bride-mother-fing-zilla. Think she'll tell us for Christmas?? Posted by: Damomma at December 22, 2005 06:58 PM bitch your mad fat Posted by: ???? at December 23, 2005 06:40 AM I keeeeep checking... 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