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« ASSumptions | Main | Bridezilla » Yo-Yo's
December 10, 2005
The Trick took place in a private home - a holiday office party. The home was beautiful, and The Hostess could not have been more kind. She apologized profusely for all the changes. "The Good Doctor could not make up his mind", she said. The Partner did all the dealing so I was not aware who The Good Doctor was. So later I was standing over the sink when a male voice spoke behind me. "Well well well. I call. I write. You never come see me." I wasn't sure to whom this man was speaking, so I looked into the window to see if I could catch a reflection. Damn. This Good Doctor is My Dentist. I turned around to say hello, pursing my lips as not to show my teeth. I don't have bad teeth. I have fabulous teeth, actually. But I didn't want that familiar dental scrutiny he is so famous for. "What has it been - a year? 18 months?", he asked with raised eyebrow. "I am not sure, really. I am very busy. Time flies, you know." It's just that I hate the dentist. Not just my dentist. Though I do carry a particular un-fondness for him. But I hate going to the dentist. I do believe there is a class in dental school on how to torture patients with a small mirror and sharp hook like tool. Not to mention that class at Dental Hygiene school where they teach the students how to strangulate teeth with floss and make everyone writhe in pain while nearly choking on their tongue. Not to mention the dental tool makers who make every drill motor sound like the theme song to every Halloween movie ever made. And before any of you dentists or dental hygienists send me hate mail - let me say in advance that a good friend of mine is a dentist. And while I do enjoy his company, I am carefully not to be in a reclined position in his presence for fear he will subconsciously ram a latex-laden finger into my mouth. I have a long and sordid history with My Dentist. We go way back. Way back to fillings. Way back to pulling of teeth. Way back to braces. Twice. Way back to the extraction of wisdom teeth. And while he did not actually put the braces on my teeth or do the extracting of the wisdom teeth - he recommended both and has a major case of guilt by association. And while I should show him gratitude for my beautiful teeth, I can't seem to muster any up. He is the Devil. "Every six months. You should be coming to see me every six months. Was it something I said?" He asked, head tilted. "You stopped giving toys." "Oh. By the way, tonight's meal is going to cost you about as much as a couple of root canals. And we don't give away any Yo-Yo's." He laughed. But I was totally not joking. Posted by Foodwhore at December 10, 2005 11:25 PM 
Great big smile here but am in the same boat - I think 2 years though. Now I am freaked bc it has been so long and I invision scraping. First of the year, after the busy season, you know how this goes! Posted by: meginAB at December 11, 2005 06:01 AM I went about 14 years without going, went back to the same place, the dentist was retired but the hygenist was there, and she fussed and guilted me abundantly. She said she was gonna torture me but I told her I had 2 kids and sitting in that chair was like a mini-vacation. and it was peaceful. I embrace my next appointment. Posted by: tonja at December 11, 2005 06:48 AM Oh FW! I so understand! I really should make an appointment before the year ends, but I hate going. I'm not scared. I've had extractions done, and did braces too. I just HATE to go! Posted by: May at December 11, 2005 10:34 AM How does someone grow up and decide they want to be a dentist? I mean, I suppose that I'm grateful that someone does that for a career, (because I only see a dentist when I'm in pain) but I can't bear thinking of having to deal with people's necrotic mouths all day. I dated a dental student once. He told me he wanted to get rich so he could have lots of children, because he had three already and wanted more. I stopped dating him shockingly soon after that revelation. Posted by: MisChef at December 11, 2005 10:59 AM Yo-yo, you get a yo-yo? I'll spare you the details, but because of an inherited problem, I get to go to the dentist every 3 months. Posted by: Mike at December 12, 2005 05:38 AM Man! We only get new shrink-wrapped toothbrushes. I love how you broke it down for the dentist in words he would understand. My price= two root canals. Love it! Posted by: wordgirl at December 12, 2005 10:14 AM do they intentionally try to make us feel guilty??? I mean, not a very good sales pitch, as so many of us are avoiding il dentista. i'd much rather make an appointment for my annual exam for god's sake...anyway, good to hear there are other bad "good" girls out there who floss, but don't see the dentist. been, hmmm, about 2 years for me. they keep trying to get my wisdom teeth out of my head, EVEN THOUGH they are perfectly healthy and straight. keep flossing, t Posted by: tepary at December 12, 2005 11:58 AM Wow, it's so Donnie Darko... Only dentists are a lot scarier than bunnies! :) I try and seem brave for my son, so he won't be as scared as I am... But you're right, there isn't even any toys to make it all better. I've put it off for far too long... Eeek. Posted by: Zan at December 12, 2005 12:07 PM Try v i c o d i n, works for me every time. Otherwise my chi gets all whacked out and don't recover until the next day. Biggles Posted by: Dr. Biggles at December 12, 2005 03:20 PM Funny you would mention root canal. I had not one but two of them in the past week and a half. The endodontist (a fancy title they give to the devil encarnate that specializes in root canals) did a root canal on one canal on a Friday, and I had to go back the following Tuesday so he could clean out the other two root canals in a back molar. The pain was more than I could handle. Not the physical pain, mind you. I was numbed up and couldn't have felt it if you'd hit me in the head with a shovel. The real pain was when I had to write out the check to pay for it. Posted by: Puddin at December 12, 2005 04:04 PM Because of the 10 years NOT going to the dentist, I get the pleasure of going once every 3 months now. But I look forward to it, because the hygenists are always full of really good gossip. 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