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So I got a massage yesterday.

Because I am just that indulgent.

And because I arrived to my appointment a bit early, they gave me the option of lying on the aqua massage table to jump start the relaxation process.

Sounded cool to me.

So they brought me back to a candle-lit room that had soft ocean sounds playing in the background. The aqua massage table looked like a mini water bed without the satin sheets and bad 70's music playing in the background. "Now you need to lie back and let your mind take you to a relaxing place. The entire purpose of this visit is to help you relax and recharge", were my instructions from the attendant.

Sadly, the entire time she was speaking I was fighting the urge in my head to jump on that water table and make all the splashy waves like I did on my Aunt Lola's bed when I was a little girl.

But I refrained.

So I got myself situated on the bed and started up the jets. And as I lay there trying to get my mind into relaxation mode, this was the actual thought process taking place...

"OK. I can do this. I can let my mind go to that relaxing place. I will not think about the Trick I have tomorrow night. I will not think about the Tricks of the past few weeks. I will not - at all - think about Bridezilla and her trail of mayhem.

Stupid Bridezilla. I wonder if Groomzilla survived the honeymoon.

Deep Breath... relax....

I don't like those ocean sounds coming from the speaker. It's kind of creepy in this dark room.

I sort of feel like I am on an air mattress and Jaws is circling below me.

(At this point I actually lifted my head and peaked around the floor)

Stop thinking about sharks. That's not at all relaxing.

Let's see... relaxing thoughts... relaxing thoughts...

The Husband is quiet excited about the Seahawks game this Saturday. I think they can beat the Redskins. I mean, they better. This is a long time coming.

Mmm... skins. I haven't had potato skins in a really long time. I should make those with bacon and blue cheese. The Husband would love that.

I hope they can play in the rain. God, this rain. Will it ever end? Yes it rains in Seattle. But really - this is too much even for us.

So much water...

Water... I am thirsty.

Great. Now I have to pee.

*Sigh* this really is the life.

I hope I don't fall asleep on this thing. How embarrassing would that be?

Must stay awake... think awake thoughts...

OK the sound of the Orca Whale coming from those speakers is just freaky. It's like being stranded on a raft in the dark.

Imagine getting lost at sea? Like Tom Hanks.

Wow. Tom Hanks. Great actor. I wonder what ever happened to that guy he was on Bosom Buddies with. That's gotta suck. I mean. You're on the same show and one of you ends up serving coffee from a Starbuck's while the other becomes a mega movie star.

But seriously - this lost at sea thing. What would you do? How would you survive? I suppose you could eat fish. Raw fish. Like sushi without the Sake.

Hmmm... fish.

Oh, man. Halibut sounds so good.

Halibut fish and chips, to be exact. With homemade french fries and crunchy slaw.

And a beer. Yes. A good dark ale with a nice platter of fish and chips.

That's exactly what I will make for dinner.

I need to stop by the grocery store for a few things, then. I need the makings for slaw. But that's it. Just items for slaw. Concentrate, don't get distracted.

But then if I am going there I should also get items for the salsa I have to make for Thursday's trick. Ok that's easy. It's all in the produce section. I can just get it and get out.

I should be writing this all down. I need a pen."

*Knock Knock* The door opens and the attendant says, "We're ready for you. I hope you rested and had nice relaxing thoughts."

I smiled and nodded my head.

It's just easier to say nothing and pretend, than to be honest and have proof you're a nut job.

The fish and chips, by the way, were excellent.

And I spent $64 dollars at the store.

Posted by Foodwhore at January 11, 2006 11:45 AM

Posted by: Christy at January 11, 2006 02:08 PM

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Posted by: Kevin at January 12, 2006 06:55 AM

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Posted by: Kim at January 14, 2006 07:55 PM