Diary of The Food Whore: Getting To Know Her

Getting To Know Her

April 22, 2006

When meeting with potential clients for weddings, it's pretty common place for The Bride to sit with us alone, or with her family to pick a menu for her special day. Some Grooms, it seems, don't see the need to be involved in such a task. Either they don't care, or they don't feel they have anything to contribute, which is fine. This isn't always the case, of course, as we have met plenty of Grooms in our day, but for the most part The Bride handles this portion of the wedding on her own.

But a couple of months ago The Bride and The Groom came for a meeting, and it was a very fun and happy occasion until things started to break down.

The Bride had a very good handle on what she wanted. She wanted some basics, but also wanted to step outside the box a little, which is always a treat for us. But every time She would bring up an idea, The Groom would shrug and suggest something different.

Her idea was small, intimate, elegant. His idea was a huge group of friends surrounded by galvanized tubs full of beer with potato salad and deli sandwiches. Which, neither is a bad idea if that's the direction you're heading. But they were both heading in such opposite directions that it became a problem.

The Bride, in moments of obvious bewilderment, would say things like, "What? When did you decide this? Is this what you have always wanted? Where is this coming from?" And would nervously bite her lip while sending glances our way. His response was, "Did you just meet me? This is who I am." And these exchanges became agitated to the point of everyone in the room - us included - shifting uncomfortably in our seats.

We tried to play arbitrator by suggesting we create a few different menus with both of their ideas, and giving them time to take them home and think about it all.

Which they agreed to. But by the time our meeting was over, the mood had shifted from excitement to awkward silence.

Now, this isn't an uncommon thing. So many Grooms want a big beautiful meal. But for a good majority of them, they don't care if that comes in the form of stuffed pork loin, or sloppy joes. They just want everyone to come, eat, drink and have a great time. And more often than not, the differences are overcome with a little sarcasm from The Bride, a little ribbing volleyed back from The Groom, and laughter around the table. And they meet somewhere in the middle - leaning toward The Bride's tastes, of course - and a fabulous night is had by all.

But this situation was different - there was tension and confusion.

After they left, The Partner and I both agreed that a battle would surely ensue, which is unfortunate. If you can't agree on basic things now, marriage isn't going to be the magic tonic to fix that. Just the opposite, actually.

Turns out we were right. We received notification that The Wedding had, in fact, been called off.

Which is sad, but better now than later.

Posted by Foodwhore at April 22, 2006 10:18 AM

Sounds like he wanted out. I guess now he is. I hope she knows how lucky she is to find this out now!

BTW, thanks so much for your Hay cookbook suggestion. It's on it's way to my house (and perhaps a few of my friends!)

Posted by: Patti at April 22, 2006 01:05 PM

At our reception, my new Hub looked deep in to my eyes & said "This is for my bride", and proceeded to eat his whole salad. It was huge. He HATESSSS anything even partially healthy. And I think that was the last salad he's eaten since.

Posted by: Jess at April 22, 2006 02:41 PM

Who needs pre-nuptial counselling? You should charge for that, you've saved them a fortune in divorce costs.

Posted by: kitchen hand at April 23, 2006 01:40 AM

I can't even really remember what exactly the food was at our wedding. I know there was a fish, and a beef. I know my mom and I picked things my husband's family and friends like (simple, "guy food") and some things I and my family like (more elegant, with sauces and delicate flavors). I know there were some hors d'oeuvres. I know it was delicious, but I'm either a really big flake, or the food just isn't what's important. Or a little of both. :)

Posted by: Kate at April 23, 2006 06:38 PM

Lucky for both of them.

Posted by: Valerie at April 24, 2006 10:51 AM

The moment when we knew for sure it would work out fine: when we both agreed that the ideal reception would just be catered by Blimpie. Tacky, yes, but at least we were both on the same page! As it turned out, family and friends prepared finger foods (which is the norm around here) for the casual reception, and a couple of my mom's friends made up a deli sandwich buffet for us to snack on before the wedding (which was at 2pm). Best pic of the wedding - me in that room, with my dress on, probably 10 minutes before the ceremony, eating a sandwich while leaning way forward so as not to get the dress dirty.

Posted by: Kellyr2 at April 24, 2006 10:58 AM

I don't remember what I ate at my weding. I just remember it tasted good. I don't remember the cake either. But, I remember having a great time, as did all our guests. THAT is the whole point of the party, in my mind.

V - married 14 yrs & counting!!!

Posted by: V at April 24, 2006 02:34 PM

Wow!

Posted by: rhonda at April 24, 2006 03:01 PM

I remember a wedding we went to where there were two buffets set up. The groom's family had done all the catering - as they were in the restaurant business.

For the groom's buffet there was a large selection of top quality grub, like homemade pate and smoked salmon.

For the bride's buffet, there were things like macaroni and cheese and wings.

The bride's family ate at the bride buffet and the rest of us ate that damn fine pate with some outstanding bread.

It was very weird.

Posted by: Rosie at April 25, 2006 03:46 AM

Sounds like he wanted out. I guess now he is. I hope she knows how lucky she is to find this out now!

And he's lucky to have found it out also.

Posted by: Tony at April 25, 2006 11:53 AM

Yeah, really, I think they both dodged a bullet on that one.

Posted by: Sigivald at April 25, 2006 01:07 PM

Wow. Did you see this coming? Sounds like you saved them from biting a serious bullet. My husband is as much a food freak as I am so tasting appointments were fun events for both of us. Of course, we showed our true colors when we met with our officiant.

Asked the officiant: "What is the most important thing to you about your wedding?"

Me: "The food."
Him (after speakingly long glance at me): "Marrying her."
Me: "Wait! Can I take that back?!"

Posted by: cath at April 25, 2006 01:13 PM