Yes! Yes! Yes! I sooooo understand everything in this post from Mrs. Piggle Wiggle (my favorite books in elementary) to the whole how do you explain catering costs to people without using the word "dumbass" at the end of every sentence? My runner up for that one is when the brides call and have no idea how many people, what date, what time, or what kind of food she wants to serve but then gets bent out of shape and acts like you're stupid because you can't tell her exactly to the penny how much the function's going to cost if she books your property. Heeeellllooooo!!!!!!! :-) Gawd, I don't miss those days. I'm a respiratory therapist now. Want me to comfort you by telling you hospital stories about how little old men like to wrap the oxygen tubing around their penises and want you to go find it? Sigh. As someone wiser than me once said, although I forget where I heard it, the only problem with working with the public is...the public.

Well, the church ladies did manage to cater our wedding on our extremely limited budget for just $5 per head. We were very grateful for their efforts. But then it was 1978.

Ya gotta watch those "crying brides." My cousin is great at manipulating people like that. The bridal shop she got her dress from wouldn't sell it to her for the price she wanted, so she cried until they did. Then when she came back for alterations, they told her that the dress price they'd given her hadn't included alterations, so she cried some more until they dropped the fee.

I'm not saying all brides who cry are manipulative... I'm sure many of them are just overwhelmed with stress. But sometimes you just have to put your foot down.

You cracked me up...thank you!!

I managed to feed everyone at my reception (January, 2005) for about $5 a head, after my caterer decided going to a weekend concert was more important than fulfilling his promise to me (never believe a promise from a stoner...duh!)

We had three kinds of soup (made by friends and by me, including five gallons of Hudson Valley apple soup I made the morning of my wedding INSTEAD of getting a manicure and pedicure), some crusty bread (made by friends), some fruit salad (frozen, from Costco) beer my brother brewed as a wedding gift, wine my dad bought as a wedding gift, and an amazing wedding cake made by one friend and paid for as a wedding gift to us by another friend!

Soooo...it's possible to do it for $5 a head in this day and age, but 1. only if you and your friends are willing to provide the labor yourselves at no charge, 2. you're willing to serve soup and bread instead of chateau briand, and 3. you have a bunch of people giving you stuff. Remember the story of "Stone Soup"? That was my wedding!

In Japan (where I live now) each guest is expected to bring a monetary gift of between $100 and $500, to offset the wedding's cost, as not only do the bride and groom have to feed everyone, they also have to give EVERY guest a gift of something like a nice, expensive tea set or sake set--none of this "here's a plastic bottle of bubbles" crap.

It's not the presidential inauguration, it's just a wedding! Would I have liked a caterer, and pretty hands and feet? YES! Could I afford to do that with the number of people we'd invited? Hell, no! Was it still a fantastic event that I'll remember for the rest of my life? You betcha!

Dude, I can't even get a sandwich and drink at the supermarket for less than $8.

Diagrams maybe? Cost of food on big posters?

Happy Meals all around! (They even get a little prize!!)

Well, if the church ladies (God bless 'em!) are willing to do it for $10 head, then Crying Bride could 1/2 her guest list and solve her unrealistic expectations problem. And I know many folks who have gone the same route of Carolie and have had great receptions. The best one I remember is where the familes of the bride and groom made a bunch of food, guests were asked to "bring a dish", and the wedding cake was a sheet cake we all got to sign with icing! Oh yeah, and we played volleyball and stuff.

oh my gosh! i love that book, and was just thinking YESTERDAY about going out to get it (i grew up reading it but somehow never ended up with it in my posession) so i can read it to my 3 year old boy. we are in a lovely phase of life right now where a crying bride would almost be a ray of sunshine. aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

i think mrs. piggle wiggle can give us all proper perspective. perhaps you should hand out a copy to each of your prospective clients....

:)

How about fixing her up with the bride who wanted you to cater her reception for the cost of the food. I'd pay to listen to their conversation.

HUGE fan of Mrs. PiggleWiggle. It still amazes me that people can be so clueless. Cake is at the very least $4.00 per person in this neck of the woods, so maybe she would consider just serving cake and punch. I doubt it. She wants cake and the rest for absolutely nothing. Please please Ms. Miracle -worker....

How you do this, day in and day out, is amazing to me. I mean seriously, I don't think you can even get a full meal at McDonald's for $5 per person now.

Oh my God.

This chick needs a bite of a reality sandwich. Five bucks a person? I would have asked her how many decades ago she was planning to have this little function of hers for that price.

Has she never been to a restaurant to see what a meal goes for? I bet she still lives at home with mommy and daddy and has never stepped foot in a grocery store to see what food actually costs.

I tell ya, some people are dumb as a bag of hair.

You should have told that wank that you could have served everyone a cup of popcorn and a bottle of water for that price. Eat up folks!

Not to knock anyone's religious beliefs, but maybe she could invite Jesus and he could do that loaves and fishes thing again. That could also double as the entertainment! No need to hire a DJ.

I mean really! You can't even get a sandwich and a cup of coffee from a catering truck (aka "The Roach Coach") for five bucks.

If you can't afford a wedding then elope and save that last shred of dignity you have left. People will just think you're "impulsive" or "quirky" instead of "cheap" or "tacky" or "po'".

You can't even do a cocktail and h'ors d'oeuvres reception for that...even without the cocktails!

I'm stressed. I'm going out to buy a $5.00 cup of coffee now.

I loved Mrs. Piggle Wiggle. I admit that I came late to her. My best friend in 5th grade was new to our school and she was shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you, to learn that my education lacked the introduction to Mrs. Piggle Wiggle.

And re: the disconnect between what food costs/how much time it takes to make it and what Crying Brides are willing to pay - I just think that the average person (not us, mind you) doesn't cook, doesn't shop and doesn't entertain enough to know what things cost. Don't they teach Home Ec anymore?

No sooner had I read your Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle post than my sister came over with a copy of the Mrs. P-W Treasury, which contains all three books, for me as a Christmas gift (what can I tell you, we're casual about that kind of stuff in our family). All I can say is that it's a good thing our parents never borrowed a parrot, because the Answerer-Backerer is definitely me. Thanks for a wonderful memory.

*gasp*! You didn't point her towards the .99 McDonalds Value Menu???

She really could have used that guidance!!

What a psycho! I found this post really interesting, as I saw a posting on craigslist recently, for a bride looking to have someone cater her September wedding for (no kidding) $5 a head. I think she included a request for 3 courses, "maybe just chicken", etc. This is not an isolated incident! I regret not replying to her as I considered doing, to tell her she was completely out of her mind.
Incidentally, does she expect the guests to bring gifts that cost no more that $5? I think probably not. Cheap, spoiled brat.

Thanks for posting this here. I can definitely identify. People have asked me to do all kinds of very fancy chocolates for nearly nothing (not including my time). It's not easy to turn away work, but sometimes it's just not worth it.

Good luck with your customers. I hope you get a really fancy wedding with an unlimited budget to spend on your great food very soon.

I really enjoy your blog. Thanks.

Have you ever thought about using an analogy like "if you took your friends out to eat for lunch surely you'd expect to pay more then 5-10 dollars a person for food and drinks"