Diary of The Food Whore: Independence

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Independence

July 03, 2006

The thing about sunshine and lazy days is, well, they're fabulous.

The great thing about being my own boss, or pimp as seems appropriate for the moniker, is being able to set your own hours. So on a long holiday weekend like this, we've given ourselves permission to relax, enjoy the sunshine, and do crazy things like sit in our cars and eat.

The Husband and I took some much needed "us" time yesterday, and spent the day on a long drive visiting funky shops, fruit stands, and driving with the windows down. In honor of all the relaxation and elation I was sure to experience I wore my new white shirt. The confidence and determination I felt was slightly diminished when The Husband said, "White? Really?" while letting out a big sigh. But it's summer, I am tan, and I will stand defiant in the name of all the spillage.

The driving with the windows down thing didn't last long as while we were driving down the highway the craziest thing happened - a dragon fly flew right into our windshield and got lodged in the arm of the windshield wiper. Due to my irrational fear of all things flying, slithering, croaking and scurrying, I screamed. The Husband thought something horrible happened and quickly pulled the car to the side of the road. When He realized that my fear came from being eye-to windshield-to eye with what now was a dead dragon fly, he leaned his head on the steering wheel and let out a huge sigh. And then he mumbled something like, "Crazy woman...scared me...need a drink."

Living with me as long as he has, it's amazing he's not a full blown sot.

So anyway... he dislodged the carcass and we were on our merry way to the next stop - an old school drive in. The kind where you park outside and use the little phone thing to call in your order. Feeling confident and sure of myself, I ordered the deluxe burger with chocolate shake - defying the good vibe I was feeling to overcome any normal occurrence when wearing white - the big spill.

The food was fabulous. The burger was just the right combination of slightly greasy, totally juicy, and crispy in all the right places. It was piled high with cheese, pickles, fresh tomato, lettuce, onions and a slathering of a sauce tasting exactly (and I am sure it was) 1000 Island dressing. So delicious, and so very spilly. And the shake? Hard ice cream, hand scooped, and churned in an old fashioned shake maker.

We sat in our car moaning with the indulgence, and revelling in using every single napkin to wipe our faces. And I did really good, not a spill in site. Until, that is, I was dumb enough to remove the lid from my chocolate shake so I could gulp the very last lump of ice cream at the bottom of the cup. And when I turned to The Husband and smiled while wiping shake off my upper lip, he raised an eyebrow and nodded toward the splotch of shake on the front of my white shirt.

And with total relaxation and arrogance, I dabbed at the spot with a clean napkin, and reached into my purse to pull out my magic wand:

The Friend, a fellow spiller, introduced me to this little stick of wonder a few weeks ago - and can I say - it's fabulous. With a little pressing, and a little rubbing, the chocolate shake was but a memory from my white shirt. When I was done I held up the Tide Pen in victory, and announced, "On to the fruit stand, Gorgeous Man. Bring on the cherries!" Independence day, indeed.

So on this 4th of July holiday weekend, I wish you all a fabulous celebration full of food, laughter, and sparklers. Just don't put an eye out with a fire cracker!

(Please note: This promotion is totally self-motivated. Tide/Proctor & Gamble did not pay me to say these things, though I am not too proud to say I would gladly take a promotional package of these miracles in a stick should anyone from Tide be reading this. I also like Tide Liquid detergent. And look how nicely the colors of my website match the Tide Product line!! You know, just in case.)

Posted by Foodwhore at July 3, 2006 12:38 PM

Ahh yes I only have one white shirt and it spends more time dirty than being worn! Sounds like an awesome day.. Those bugers and the shake sound like they made the day!

Posted by: Jen at July 3, 2006 03:34 PM

I LOVES the tide pen. I'm so glad you found it. I tend to spill a lot on what my husband affectionally calls "my shelf." I don't need to attract any more attention there, so many thanks to the tide to go pen! (They should send you at least some coupons!)

Posted by: Patti at July 3, 2006 07:49 PM

That pen is the best. I've used it for everything from red wine to spaghetti sauce. All with great results. I carry it in my car and my female friends carry them in their purses. Amazing stuff.

Posted by: Dave at July 3, 2006 08:48 PM

As a highly experienced spiller who pretty much lives on the road, I don't go anywhere without the Tide pen. I'm convinced that there's either a gene or some early childhood trauma that makes one a spiller. My mother, who had exquisite manners, couldn't eat a meal without spilling something on her blouse, and I'm the same way. Thank goodness for modern stain removers.

Posted by: Cynthia at July 3, 2006 09:36 PM

I, too, am a spiller. Well, a dripper anyway. And, well, the big boobs just make the drips, spills, dunks all that more noticeable. I am buying several of these magic wands and placing them in my purse, carry on, briefcase, and my husband's pocket.

Posted by: shelley at July 3, 2006 09:37 PM

yeah, it's okay to have big boobs, but stuff does kind of land there. My husband threatened to have a bib made to match my wedding dress; he didn't trust me with that much white on! (I would have taken him up on it if he were serious!)

I've also taken the 4th off. After all, that's why we self-employeds whore ourselves out every single weekend the rest of the year. We take on the full responsibility for our businesses, and we take holidays off if we want to. Yay for Entrepreneurs!

Posted by: JoAnna at July 3, 2006 11:51 PM

No big boobs here, so I tend to drop things on my lap. :)

Oxy Clean works well if you don't have The Pen handy.

Posted by: Barb at July 4, 2006 04:58 AM

So, these things, do they work better than the shout wipes? When I worked at an Italian restaurant, we all kept a few Shout wipes on hand. They do a decent job of getting most of the marinara off of a white shirt.
I spill all the time, too. My husband rolls his eyes when we eat out, because especially now, while pregnant, I always have food on me.

Posted by: kelly at July 4, 2006 07:33 AM

ah fabulous sunny days. man oh man i can't wait to get out of here and fix me a pitcher of white wine mango and fresh strawberry sangria. it's the simple, spillable things in life...

Posted by: morey at July 4, 2006 01:38 PM

Having little boobs, the food usually slops straight onto my lap. Will definitely have to check out the Tide pen -- it sounds miraculous!

Posted by: Christianne at July 4, 2006 03:33 PM

I do not wear white due to my, let's just say clumsiness. This pen, it could truly be a godsend- thank you for sharing!!

Posted by: s'kat at July 4, 2006 06:54 PM

The fabulous Tide to Go pen is a life saver but does not work on everything. Baby formula and ink are actually angered by it. Also, if you, for example, spill an entire cup of coffee on your khaki pants, it will remove the stain but also leave a funky smell (bit like vomit). Not very pleasant.

Posted by: Kitty B at July 5, 2006 06:35 AM

whereas I appreciate that you are a messy eater like me, I am not forgiving the hysteria about bats. :P
Mark me as the one person youve ever heard of that actually likes them. www.batcon.org

and I am highy suspicious of anyone whos said one flew/crawled into their hair. I require pictures. I mean, what kind of hair was this? Are we talking Adrienne Barbeau circa 1976?

Posted by: dot at July 5, 2006 03:59 PM

When I'm done spilling on myself, and start smearing it around my surroundings, I whip out the Mr. Clean Magic Sponge. The word "Magic" is no overstatement, IMHO.

Cheers!

Posted by: John at July 6, 2006 10:14 AM

The Tide Pen and Shout Wipes are both gifts from God.

Posted by: HomefrontSix at July 6, 2006 01:24 PM

I've just recently found your blog...I LOVE it! I worked retail for too many years and can totally relate to your experiences with the crazies/stupid asses. I'm a foodaholic and enjoy the descriptions of your masterpieces.

Keep on whoring and writing!

Posted by: Elle at July 7, 2006 10:01 AM

This is my first visit to your blog. I laughed out loud. Thanks!

Posted by: Diane at July 7, 2006 06:42 PM