Take two--they're small. And a pox on scoffing people for you, too. Drinking out of the cream carafes--who's raising these children? Hyenas?

Jeez!! I know you're not lying, but it's so hard for me to picture people actually behaving that badly. And leaving a seven dollar tip??!! Are you kidding me??!

Obviously I know people can be assholes, but it never ceases to amaze me just how stupid they can be sometimes.

I really wanted to tell you how much I've enjoyed reading your stories. I'm on the opposite coast so unfortunately I'll never get to enjoy your wonderful food. But it's great to at least be able to read about your "adventures". And just think, when you just can't stand the catering headaches anymore, you can always turn to a career in writing!

Hats off to you!

Both for closing early and for shift drinks!!

hang in there. school should be back in soon!!
Beth

Assholes are everywhere. Including in your email.

It's.

Her.

Blog.

STFU.

HAHAHA! my favourite line in this post:
"the rarely seen pack of Roaming Nice People"

HAHAHA! they are a rare endangered species, indeed.

i am sorry people are so incredibly arrogant as to insult you for writing
what
you
want
in
your
own
blog.

i certainly look forward to every post. keep it up, and have a restful week. :)

Boy... I'm a "service extender" which is a really facy term for waitress, and I've had people like that before. But my boss was a putz who only closed early twice (when it snowed 2 feet after he allowed me to drive 45 minutes to work. He then sent me home instead of calling my cell and telling me i could stay home. I repeat... PUTZ!) Anyway, those people were jerks and every Friday night we had a group of em come in and ask for gravy for their fries. Which wouldn't have been a problem if we had gravy of any sort on our menu. But we didn't and eventually, they asked if they could make reservations for gravy! idiots

I'm surprised they tipped at all. Seriously.

Self-entitled assholes.

I had a table like that once at Friday's. And I hovered all night, because they kept admiring my "I Love Lucy" tip tray. I never should have put it down on the table, WHAT was I thinking? The shitwits stole it, which they'd warned me they'd do. I couldn't believe their blatant assholery, nor my naïveté.

Fuck, I still hate those people, when I think of the whole experience.

Click. Changing channels in my brain...I'm better now.

Dear God. *sigh* I'm embarrased for my own race.

Dear.

God.

I certainly don't think you are stupid- I wouldn't read your blog if I did. I figured the natural habitat thing was just a result of not thinking in the immediate moment of typing the entry.

I do think it's important that people know that zoos are not natural habitats. It doesn't matter how well-fed they are: zoos are prisons for animals. They animals are often fed packaged diets rather than natural foods. Animals whose natural territories span miles are kept in enclosures that at most span square yards, and at worst span feet.

Maybe the zoo in my city is just especially bad, but it's horrible. Komodo dragons in the wild have a huge territory; at the zoo, they are crammed into a tiny cage smaller than my small apartment. Same with almost every other animal.

The problem is not with you, it is with zoos, and with the general perception that zoos are where animals belong, or that they are at all natural.

Now, I can absolutely get behind the idea that rude shitty people, such as the customers you had, belong in zoos. I think that would suit them and me just fine.

FW,

I, too, await the autumn cool and the vibrant leaves.

You're right. There are too many evil people out there. On the other hand, it's gratifying to read that you have troopers for staff and great husband who will take you to the zoo for a fun time.

I'm not a zoo fan, but only because I'd rather go to the botanical gardens. They also seem to attract nicer (and fewer) people. If you ever get to NYC and want to see a botanical garden, I would be happy to take you and ensure that we don't have to deal with a-holes.

Thanks
for
always
posting
great
stuff.

You're
the
ginchiest.

d.

Errr, I hate big tops! I remember once when I waited on a 14 top by myself (yea- go figure) and they left me a quarter. A quarter! I wanted to walk out and throw it at them!

I love your blog! It reminds me of all the "good old times" when I was a waitress. :)

Cheers!
Cyn

Your reference to Victor and Nikki Newman cracked me up. I watched YTR back then (waaaay back when she was still keeping the stripping gig under wraps and I was waaaay too young to be watching such trash) and I totally agree with the darkened living room. He just seems like that kind of guy.

I find it truly sad that some people have nothing better to do than trash your blog. Obviously those aaaaaaaaaaassssssssshooooooooooles (insert Clint Eastwood voice here) need to get a life and stop taking un-serious things so serious.

As for the 10-top from hell, all I can say is: hate the parents, not the children. Unfortunately they are passing their inconsiderate behaviors on to their little trolls. God willing by the time they are old enough to cross your threshold on their own you'll be retired and happily swigging lemon drops in a lovely location where the temperature is always just right.

A $7 tip? For ten people? Good lord.

Did the waitress chase after them to give it back? As in, "I'm sorry, I guess you need this more than I do."

Idiots.

I
Love
Your
Blog
And
I
Really
Love
When
You
Put
One
Word
On
A
Line
So
There!

The people complaining about your one word per line obviously don't understand two things:

1. When we speak face to face, most of what people understand comes from body language, facial expression and tone of voice. It's extremely difficult to convey those when writing, so one has to try other methods - like putting
one
word
per
line.
I use that method in e-mails to convey the effect of speaking through clenched teeth.

2. It's your blog. If they don't like it, no one is forcing them to read it.

As for the Assholes, kudos to your staff for being so professional and courteous to people who did not deserve to be treated that well!

When my sister and I had our cafe in Melbourne, this kind of customer was rife. We had the no-meat, no-dairy, no-wheat, I'm-on-a-diet, no-bloody brains types who sat at the tables outside chain-smoking and throwing their butts on the footpath.

Then we had the plain old "I'll have this with no that but could you add some of this" types. The kind who had me sprinting from the kitchen, hurdling the counter, veins popping to tell them it was a menu and not a f........ list of ingredients.

We don't do the cafe thing anymore!

Well, that blows. Most all of the restaurants around here charge a flat 25% tip like fee for gatherings of 6 or more. We usually leave more, but at least they know they'll get something for their efforts.

MmMmMmMmmm, food.

As for OOgoddess who thinks that all zoos are horrible places for animals....alot of times, animals that end up in zoos have been 'rescued' from either people who think that lions belong in their backyards, etc. and are maybe being abused as well (or just were found in the wild and were sick and taken to the zoo to be nursed back to health). Not all controlled environments are bad and it is naive of her to make such a wild statement when she doesn't have all the facts. RELAX....our favourite food whore just went to the zoo! Is it really the end of the world that maybe the wrong term was used when describing her experience there?

Anyways......I also
think
that
there
is
nothing
wrong
with
putting
one
word
or
phrase
per
line.
People
should
realize
that
maybe
this
is
being
done
to
convey
a
point.

Enough said......I am sorry that so many ignorant people exist in this world. They are either so super sensitive about things, or they like to behave badly to others because maybe that makes them feel like more intelligent human beings(which actually has the opposite effect).

I
love
your
blog.

A $7 tip for TEN people??? Are they insane? I've never been waitress, but that makes me furious. Oh, and being so stupid as to not make a reservation for a party of ten obliterates your right to throw a hissy fit when you have to wait, jerks.

I can see why you are ready for the cooling days of autumn, since I was in your fair city a couple of weeks ago "enjoying" the 90+ temperatures and 90+ humidity combo you guys had going there for a while. I promise I always tipped big!! But then there were only two of us and we didn't expect to get in anywhere without a reservation. Thank God for Hotel Concierges (the guys at the Roosevelt are the best.

My favorites are the people who used to take the entire container of crackers, sugar/sweet-n-lows and jelly packets and dump them in their purse. I actually had one lady give me an empty Jelly container and ask me to refill it because she had already dumped it in her sister's purse and she didn't get any.

Oh, and the drunk guys who used to leave their phone numbers instead of a tip. I used to write them on truckstop bathroom walls.

LOL! Cripes, I love coming here...

I'm coming up your way (Seattle?) in late July, 2007 en route to Vancouver Island for a calligraphy conference -- I'm thinking I'll have to get in touch with you and drop in.

Not getting (exactly) into the ZOO CONFLICT but there is a very nice elephant sanctuary in Tennessee where they can roam over a larger area.

As to "changing" dishes -- I admit to asking to swap cheeses (i.e., I prefer Cheddar to Swiss) and to omit some items on a dish (don't care for olives). That said, I am seriously considering (the next time I go to a Mimi's Cafe) asking for the "Albacore and Avocado" sandwich without bread and served on lettuce (they don't have a tuna salad option and that sandwich is just too darn big!).

Keep
Up
The
Good
Work

And remember what Bette Midler says (paraphrased):

F 'em if they don't get it

a seven dollar tip on a ten top for dinner? Dang, they must be watching taking tipping lessons from rachel ray on 40 a day. This is why whenever I go out with my (embarrassingly cheapskate) family, I make sure to go to a place with automatic gratuity on tables over 6. Sounds like these folks needed that rule.

Breathtaking. I have two words for you:

Super Soaker.

OK, you can't do that, but you can fantasize.

Good job on the lemon drops - you must have a wonderful and loyal staff!

Been enjoying your blog for a while. As someone who makes use of caterers for special events, it has been both enlightening and entertaining!

Pitchers of lemon drops all around, even! Good grief, what a week you've had.

Enjoy the zoo.

Enjoy
one
word
per
line

and boot the monsters and their creamer drinking progeny with a smile.

Hope this week is a better one for you :)

It takes ten years of manner battles with kids to get them to a point where they will behave, be polite and enjoy being among a ten top...for dinner. I know from experience that the work is well worth it so that you can enjoy restaurants with the kids. Oh yeah, with the ten year training stint, the kiddies won't turn into shithead adults who tip less than 20%!

Love your stories. I lovelovelove them.

I just want to add a plug for those interested -- read the book 'Life of Pi'

It opened my mind in a very simple way to my thinking of zoos. Before this book I hissy-fitted myself to never set foot in another zoo the rest of my life. The points brought to me however, in the book, have made me feel more at peace about the subject.

Just a thought.

And kudos on closing early! No doubt everyone was beyond relieved.

"Apparently my "arrogoance goes so far as to think my pathetic words rate an entire space of their own"."

Well, then...

Why.

Do.

They.

Even.

Read.

Your.

Blog?

I just don't get some people. Mo-rons.

NOW I understand why restaurants automatically include the tip for parties over a certain number. Because of ijits like that. Good grief. I hate people.

Not even going to touch the zoo topic or the issue of

One.

Word.

Per.

Line.

Not worth my time ;)

As for "kid trainer"...I don't know which children you've been training but in my experience (albeit with my own children) they can behave themselves when we are out to dinner with a large group of people and they are 5 and 2.5. Possibly because a.) I don't tolerate inappropriate behavior (ever.) and b.) I come prepared with things to keep them entertained and don't hesitate to take them outside to burn off some energy before the meal comes. It's all about planning and not expecting the wait staff and other patrons to "babysit". But I digress.

TFW ~ I sure hope those Lemon Drops were good. I was at the Class VI yesterday and a gentleman returned a bottle of Grey Goose Citron and I thought of you. Do you use regular Grey Goose or the flavored variety?

It takes ten years of manner battles with kids to get them to a point where they will behave, be polite and enjoy being among a ten top...for dinner.

I don't think it takes ten years of manner battles, but guided lessons right from the start. That's the only way we've been able to take our daughter to 4 star restaurants since before she was in kindergarten. And often going out with my very large extended family.

The parents sound like they could use the training more ;)

I do live in Africa, surrounded quite closely by 6 million other humans, and there are thousands of schoolkids who'll never get to see a wild animal in the wild. A well run zoo, contentious though it may be, has its place in our modern society.

Heck.
Its
your
blog!

If they don't like it, don't complain, go away! Read something else.

Maybe
with
pictures!

Some people remind me of the classic novel The Man In The Iron Mask - by Alexander Dumas (pronounced Dumbass)!

It really is about time that someone opened a chain of eateries called 'If You're Nice We Are' or something along those lines, and treat the clientele exactly as they do you.

I just wanted to say that I wrote the first comment about the zoo not being a "natural habitat," and I'm not an asshole.

When someone decides to write in public (whether it's a comment on a blog, a blog, a newspaper or magazine, whatever) then if they've written anything worth a damn at all, it's going to evoke opinions in readers.

Writers who only listen to or hear from fanboys usually aren't very interesting writers.

To James and anyone who left a comment in the Zoo post about it not being the "natural habitat", if you re-read my post you will see I referred to the people I had been dealing with in real life as the assholes. Not anyone who has given me negative and/or corrective feedback.