Diary of The Food Whore: Defeat

Defeat

September 29, 2006

Last weekend was the Annual Food Whore Family Corn Off. Which translates into a corn eating contest between The Sister and I. Oh there are more who participate. But the reality is The Sister and I are the only serious contenders capable of gnawing corn cobs like threshers in a wheat field.

The set-up is pretty simple - outdoor cooker, a pile of corn, sweet cream butter, kosher salt and fresh cracked pepper. The corn has to be eaten clean - none of that stray kernel stuff. And no cheating by cutting the corn off the cob like The Husband does. It's not something I talk about - the fact that he cuts his corn off the cob. I normally like to keep that a deep dark secret, but when public consumption of corn takes place it's a hard fact to miss. The first time he did that The Cousin gasped a little, and I was able to catch her eye, close my eyes and shake my head. Now everyone pretends they don't see it in a effort to block it out of their heads. He does find solace in The Aunt though, as she's a Kernel Cutter from way back. But we pretend we don't see her, either.

Anyway.

So The Sister and I were Cob for Cob the whole day, but then my buttery hands struggled keeping up with her nimble ways. And by the time it was all buttered, salted, said and done - she came out victorious.

I...lost.

Ok that's sort of not true - I didn't lose because of my buttery hands. It's crazy and I don't like to talk about it much, but at some point during the contest I got... full. And I say that with my head hanging down because I don't like to admit that perhaps I am losing my edge in a sport I have found myself victorious on so many occasions.

Whatever the reason, I have a year to figure it all out. Because next year, I refuse to go down like that.

I refuse to be full.

Posted by Foodwhore at September 29, 2006 01:13 PM

So you and your sister are [insert significant pause] Children of the Corn? [rimshot] Sorry, couldn't resist .... :-)

Posted by: RLR at September 29, 2006 05:13 PM

Oh boy I love todays blog cause my Dad, and brother and I all had eating contests when I was growing up!! Corn was one and watermelon was another. Mom would quarter a melon and give us the salt shaker and the race was on. Dad and brother also excelled at apple pie contests too, but I threw up one year at that one! My forte was sauerkraut, I can still whip anyone in that contest, course you have to mave mashed potatoes , no gravy, just butter as a side and that's required. Yumyum what a great blog today.

Posted by: Donna at September 30, 2006 05:48 AM

Eating contests can be scary business. Just this month a woman at a nearby fair died during a "Fluffy Bunny" contest. Apparently the goal was to put a marshmallow in your mouth and say "fluffy bunny", and do so after adding each subsequent marshmallow. Not sure exactly what happened...whether she inhaled one or what, but she's now six feet under.
Please binge responsibly.

Posted by: Dave at September 30, 2006 08:16 AM

hehe My family had a Peanut butter contest... A Costo size jar of peanut butter and one gallon on milk per person. My brother won with 59 minutes and 32 seconds. I was around 3 hours. I think I'd rather have a corn on the cob challenge and will issue same at the next family cookout. Grandma has a knack with corn on the cob

Posted by: Leslie at September 30, 2006 09:06 AM

sounds like alot of fun. But the cutting the corn off the cob is like cutting meat off of a rib or drumstick, they are finger food! :p

Posted by: Duckie at October 4, 2006 03:27 PM