Diary of The Food Whore: Here Kitty Kitty

Here Kitty Kitty

October 11, 2006

I am fairly certain I have expressed this sentiment before: I hate cats.

In all fairness to cats they hate me, too. But the advantage they have over me is the ability to make me sneeze and hive up like freshly plucked chicken skin.

So imagine my dismay when during the unloading of the van at the venue (a private home) I came back to find 3 cats roaming around our goods. Fortunately this wasn't a food load - but there were cats on our stuff just the same.

Now, unlike a dog - a cat is not impressed when you pat your leg and say, "Come on... come here...", and even less impressed when you pat your leg and through gritted teeth say, "Get out here... don't make me come in there..." They just sat there - looking at me. Defying my every word. Mocking me, even.

So I went around to the back door and tried to force them out the side door. Again they mocked me - standing on the rack defiant, looking at one another as if to say, "check out the crazy chick". I decided that I needed to lunge a little - perhaps scare them out the door, but all that did was make them sigh and go hide under the front seat.

By this time all the "pssssssst"-ing and leg tapping and saying mean and vile things about the feline race under my breath had done nothing but exasperate me, so I did what seemed logical at the time. I flailed myself into the back of the van.

I ended up face down in a pile of linens, but did manage to scare two out the side door. The other one - the little bastard - decided to get the last laugh by walking over my back to get out the door, taking the time to rub up against my ankle before taking the leap to the ground.

I laid there for a minute wondering why Karma picked such moments to pay me back for what I know is an unending supply of reasons to get me back. I can't help but take it personally.

But - thank God I can laugh at myself.

And thank God for Benadryl.

Posted by Foodwhore at October 11, 2006 09:55 AM

Cats know it when you are not a "cat person", and see it as their absolute obligation to "convert" you. It rarely works.

Posted by: Tom Hedgepeth at October 12, 2006 05:48 AM

Wonderfully funny story! Although, I love cats... so maybe I am laughing because of what they put you through. Nonetheless, great story!

Posted by: Michele at October 12, 2006 08:48 AM

Try "Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty"

Drives my cat way everytime:-(
(Stubborn little cuss......)

Posted by: Cat at October 12, 2006 11:10 AM

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

Posted by: maggie at October 12, 2006 01:20 PM

I am most decidedly a cat person, and am on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady. In as much, I have a little warding-off cats tip for you: canned air. It doesn't harm them, it won't ruin things like liquids do, and you usually only need to blast them a couple of times before the mere sound of it makes them bolt for their lives.

Posted by: t at October 12, 2006 07:52 PM

Maybe they were homeless and hungry. Poor kitties. The one gave you a nice rub. I get they're not your thing, but they mean you no harm.

Posted by: e at October 13, 2006 07:11 AM

Try some different words to the cat. Hunter Cashdollar

Posted by: Hunter Cashdollar at October 13, 2006 12:56 PM