Diary of The Food Whore: Party Girl

Party Girl

December 13, 2006

I am a firm believer that a person has to laugh at least once a day to keep a perspective about it all. And the laughter really must come at the expense of oneself - it keeps a person humble and centered.

I've been - busy. Tonight will be the first night in exactly two weeks that I will be able to spend the evening at home, cooking food for only The Husband and me. I has been an insane month thus far, and this little reprieve tonight will be the last down time I have before Christmas Eve arrives on my doorstep like a big giant package from the IRS. I don't say this because I hate Christmas Eve, I say this because I have only managed to buy two things on line and have them sent to people I love, without so much as a note or wrapping paper. It's the kind of thing I hate to do. But if it were up to me to achieve that in real time they would be opening gifts wrapped in Santa paper somewhere around the 4th of July. So right now the idea of Christmas Eve arriving is about as appealing as the letter from the IRS I received mid-November. (The Bastards) I haven't purchased a single real-time gift, and it's stressing me out to the point that I am unable to enjoy my lemon drops.

It's just that bad, people.

A few days ago I had a spare 20 minutes so I stopped by the mall to buy underwear. In all of my awareness of how busy I am I seemed to overlook the simple reality that is my underwear situation was looking pretty grim. Now, normally I would not discuss my undergarments in my blog - too personal - and frankly it's not a story anyone is likely to care about. But here it is, anyway.

So with this spare 20 minutes I stopped at The Mall. I parked, sprinted my way passed Santa and the line of screaming children, and into the store I needed to go. They were having a sale - perfect. I grabbed a handful of seemingly harmless drawers, threw some money at the sales girl and sprinted my way back to the car. When I got home I threw my purchases in the wash, ran more errands, got back in time to get them dried, throw on a pair, put on the uniform and head out the door for a night of Whoring.

When I got home - exhausted and smelling of food - I stripped off the uniform and headed toward the bathroom for a nice, hot shower. As I walked passed The Husband he said, "Hey there, Party Girl."

"Party Girl?"

"Yeah - Party Girl."

"Who is a party girl?"

"Well, by the looks of it, you."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, too exhausted to be cute.

"It says so right there." He said.

"OK, seriously - what are you talking about?"

"Check the back of your underwear."

I turned to look, and kept turning like a dog chasing his tail, so The Husband led me into the bathroom to show me in the mirror. And right there - in bold black letters - right across the back of my arse said the words, "Party Girl".

I was instantly mortified and amused at the same time. How I could have missed this in the Mad Dash Purchase and Laundering was beyond me. In my intensity of speed - and apparent dressing in the dark - I just totally missed it.

Party girl. Right there in front of God and every body.

I couldn't help but laugh at moment. I mean - sure I like my lemon drops, but a party girl I am not. Though apparently my underwear would beg to differ.

(For the record, I am completely embarassed I felt compared to share this.)

Posted by Foodwhore at December 13, 2006 01:58 PM

Hee! This is just the sort of thing that happens on those breakneck days. Also, think of it as motivational psychology. If your underwear SAYS "Party Girl," you will FEEL like a Party Girl.

Or not.

Anyway, cute story and we've all been in similar situations.

Posted by: Dr Alice at December 13, 2006 03:51 PM

ONLY a true, card-carrying Party Girl would share this informatin with her readers (and I'm glad that you did). You absolutely have no choice but to keep them now that you have that story to go with them.

Posted by: Kevin at December 13, 2006 03:54 PM

Thanks for giving me the biggest laugh I've had all week. And its mostly cos its the sort of thing I can imagine most of the people I know doing the same thing!
Go Party Girl!!

Posted by: jenny at December 13, 2006 04:37 PM

Be glad it was a P and not an F.

Posted by: veg4me at December 13, 2006 06:14 PM

Embarrassing underwear episodes are just a part of life. I'm a reasonable size 8, but I like to wear, well, briefs. You know, the kind that come up almost to your waist. I'm sure I heard my massage therapist snickering under his breath once when I wore them to an appointment. My friend that goes to the same massage therapist was once mortified to get to her appointment to remember that she chose to wear a thong that day.

Posted by: alfagirl at December 13, 2006 08:46 PM

Wow, this almost made me pee my pants it was so funny.

Thanks for sharing and making me laugh and telling true tales from the front lines. It makes me not miss my days serving/catering and helps me appreciate people in the business all the more.

Happy Holidays! Hope the New Year allows you a few minutes of peace.

Posted by: Kirsten at December 13, 2006 10:42 PM

Were you wearing white pants so that God and everyone truly did see that you are a Party Girl?

Posted by: AuntJone at December 14, 2006 05:51 AM

Thanks for sharing! We've all had episodes like this, but probably can't relay them as eloquently. As usual, you've made my day!

Posted by: Elle at December 14, 2006 06:07 AM

Haha, That's really funny. I just recently started readng your blog and I have to say it's one of my favorites.

Posted by: Vanessa at December 14, 2006 07:36 AM

That's hilarious! Thank god something funny happens once in a while in all the madness of work to make life a litte more interesting!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year F.W.!

Posted by: Carmen at December 14, 2006 08:08 AM

Now I'm seriously miffed, no picture? Hehe. I picture you as a party girl at heart, even just a little bit. Lemon drop?

Posted by: Tony S. at December 14, 2006 08:37 AM

BWHAHAHAHA That is classic. Now all you need is glitter!

Posted by: GB at December 14, 2006 09:37 AM

You? NOT a party girl? Puh-LEAZE. You party for a living! I think you subliminally chose those skivvies on purpose.

Thanks for sharing. I used my lunch hour to stand in line doing some real-time stocking-stuffer shopping, right behind the woman who tried to verbally bitch-slap the pharmacist. She needed a lemon drop in the worst way. Pharmacist probably wouldn't have turned one down, either.

Posted by: Miche at December 14, 2006 09:56 AM

Felt compared?

You must be tired.

Anyway, now that you've got party girl panties, just embrace them. Flaunt it, or at least as much as you can without showing them to clients or passers-by.

Posted by: Sigivald at December 14, 2006 11:39 AM

There is nothing wrong with Party Girl panties. At least you bought the right size. It would have been much worse if you put them on and they squeezed or sagged and caused general discomfort. Then you'd have paid the price for your partying lemon drop ways

Posted by: Leslie at December 14, 2006 12:08 PM

For my stagette, one of my bridesmaids gave me underwear that said, "Queen of the F#cking Universe" across the backside. I wore them proudly that night and made sure to lift my skirt and show everyone at any chance I got. (talk about party girl)

Now, a few years later, sometimes when the laundry is piled up and I'm rifling through the underwear drawer desperately trying to find a decent pair to wear, I grab them and breifly consider wearing them. And then they go back to the bottom of the drawer...

Posted by: Tarable at December 14, 2006 02:35 PM

That is too funny! I totally needed to hear something actually worth laughing about. Thanks Party Girl! :P

Posted by: Kat at December 14, 2006 03:14 PM

If the panties fit, wear them!

Posted by: Linda at December 14, 2006 10:32 PM

Hilarious story... I envision that happening to me!

Posted by: Michele at December 15, 2006 08:04 AM

What the heck - EMBRACE YOUR INNER PARTY GIRL!!

And here's a Christmas shopping tip: Clear a space in a closet - this is now the "Gift Shelf" - when you see something in July that would be perfect for someone you know - BUY IT. Put it on the gift shelf. By the time you get to December, you'll have 3/4 of your shopping done. Trust me.

Posted by: shera at December 15, 2006 10:56 AM

This story made me laugh so much. It also reminds me of the Eddie Murphy song (yes, when he tried to be a pop star) that went "My girl wants to party all the time, party all the time...".

Posted by: Liberty at December 16, 2006 04:16 PM