Diary of The Food Whore: Budget Bride

« Habits | Main | Not Even A Little Funny »

Budget Bride

March 03, 2007

At her request we met at her favorite coffee shop, and when she arrived she was a flurry of pink. Pink sweater, pink lipstick, pink binder, pink pen. Even her demeanor was pinkish.

She sat down and opened up her big binder to show all of the clippings, pictures, ideas and notes on her perfect day. I was happy to see it. I love an organized Bride.

She started out by saying, "Just so you know, I have been doing a lot of research on Budget Bride so I am pretty prepared for anything you have to throw at me."

I've not heard of Budget Bride. And I have no problem with this Budget Bride Guide except it gave Pink an apparent tone of 'you are not going to pull one over on me...' as she spoke.

I was all on board with the Budget Bride thing. I think it is great when a person can find a way to make their dreams come true and be sensible about it. But the whole '...pull one over on me...' made my jaw clench.

"Ok", I said. "So what are you thinking here..."

"Well, first of all, I know that you make a lot of money. And I do not have a lot of money to spend. But I know you want the business, so I think we can deal here."

Game face, Food Whore, Game Face...

I bit the corner of my lip and chuckled a bit. "And by deal you mean..."

"Well. I am pretty up on my food costs. So I have a menu in mind, and a price I would like to pay for it."

I took a deep breath. Wishing I had opted for a shot of brandy in my coffee. "Ok, then. You tell me what your menu is and we will see what we can do."

Smile... don't forget to smile...

"I would like a simple array of appetizers - and by simple I mean inexpensive. Crudites', smoked salmon, maybe a little blanched asparagus. And then I want a nice wilted spinach salad. Spinach is very inexpensive, you know. Then I want beef tenderloin, roasted potatoes, glazed carrots, and a good assortments of breads. I would also like to go with a nice pasta for my vegetarian friends, too. But I am still working on what kind."

"That is a nice menu..."

"But you should know, I only expect to pay $15.95 per person, tax and gratuity included. Oh, and of course china, flatware, stemware and linens. The bar is separate, but I would like some sparkling cider thrown in for my non-drinking guests." She tilted her head a little and sat back in her chair, smiling as if she had just slayed the dragon.

I took a sip of my coffee to mask the guffaw that was about to roll out of my mouth, smiled and said, "$15.95, all inclusive?"

"Yes."

"Well, I think we're going to have a problem here."

"I knew you were going to say that. I have done my reading, and even though I know you have a stellar reputation, I wanted to be prepared for being taken advantage of."

I took another sip of coffee, and tried to play out a response in my head that did not come across as snarky, condescending or result in my beating her over the head with the pink binder.

"I can appreciate that you came prepared. I applaud that, actually. And I applaud the fact that you have a very strict budget in mind, too. You should be smart on a day like your wedding. But no dealing in the world will ever make that menu happen for that price. I am really sorry, but it just cannot be done."

"Ok, then. My top dollar is $17.95 per person."

I don't know if she thought she was buying a used car, or if I was being Punk'd, but I tried to convince myself that her attitude was born of naivete, and not utter disrespect or stupidity.

"I don't like to tell people no. I hate it, in fact. But the answer is no. I am really sorry, but for all that you want, it is not going to happen. If that is your firm budget, perhaps you need to rethink your expectations a little bit."

"Well I am willing to have salmon instead of pasta, and I would trade the smoked salmon for chilled prawns."

Oh my God - did she just add salmon and prawns?

"I think, maybe, you should go in a different direction. And by different direction I mean a different Caterer. And again, I do not like to say no, but we will not be able to meet your budget - or your expectations - and it is best that you look elsewhere. Have you checked into other options?"

"Well I have, but the reason we didn't book the golf resort was because they wanted over $60 for that menu, not including tax and gratuity, and room fees!"

"And what exactly made you think I would be able to do it for you at the price you want?"

"Well because - because Budget Bride..."

I held my hand up. "Ok, Budget Bride - I get it. I don't what more I can say other than we will not be able to help you. I am not even going to give you names, because I guarantee you will not find that price for what you want."

"So you like to play hardball, then."

Yes, I do. And if I had a bat I would hit you with it.

"No, this isn't a game. This is real life. And I wish you all the luck with your wedding."

I started gathering up my notes, all while smiling, and she sat there stunned. As if the Magic 8-Ball that is Budget Bride had betrayed her. And if it told her she could have that menu for that price, someone needs to find the author and remove the crack pipe glued to their mouth.

"So that's it? You won't do it? You can't make that work?"

"Oh I am so sorry, but no, we can't. But I wish you a wonderful special day."

So sweet - so - kind. Hard to believe I can be that way considering my heart is made of vodka.

To the person who e-mailed me asking what steps they needed to take to start a catering business - I say use those steps to run like Hell the other way. Or be prepared to drink your liver into a coma.

Posted by Foodwhore at March 3, 2007 04:29 PM

I've been reading your blog for sometime now but I only decided to comment now. :D

Goodness...what kind of person suggests a budget menu with SALMON!? The salmon alone would cost the whole $15, at least. Do these people even know the prices of things? Salmon's not tuna, for sure!

Just reading the menu she had planned and I was already imagining the price as some thing at least $50 a head. And that's what I'd expect for a wedding. It's a wedding after all, not a sunday lunch at the park...right?

This girl obviously doesn't understand the concept of budget or the prices of things.

*shakes head and hands her a box of vegetable crackers and a bowl of spinach dip instead*

Posted by: alexis at March 3, 2007 11:16 PM

you have GOT to be kidding me. she thinks she's gonna get TENDERLOIN for $18 dollars a plate? now I understand trying to do your wedding on the cheap, I understand not wanting to get gouged (many places will double the prices when you say it's for a wedding), but you have to figure you're gonna pay a similar price to a restaurant...

you wanna go under $20, let's talk pasta for EVERYBODY.

Posted by: moonablaze at March 4, 2007 12:26 AM

Loved this entry. If you ever meet that bride-to-be, tell her that you can't get that menu for that price even here in Romania (it would be around 40$) Sheesh.

Posted by: Andrea at March 4, 2007 03:43 AM

I know this is asking a lot, but next time you have one of these meetings, could you please set up a video camera and share it on YouTube with us?

Pretty please?

Posted by: David at March 4, 2007 07:38 AM

So I went and looked at www.budget-bride.com. Now, some of their comments about florists are out there... arrangement prices based on your appearance?!

But I can't find anything on the site about catering and food costs. The Pinkish One is out of her mind!

Posted by: Alida at March 4, 2007 09:16 AM

So sweet... so kind... so stupid... so sad.
Bottoms up, food whore!

Posted by: O Mama Mia at March 4, 2007 11:44 AM

It is so difficult to be professional in situations like that, but you never know if they will come to their senses. This one, likely not. This is almost as good as the one that wanted the huge dinner party with a few days notice.

Posted by: Greg at March 4, 2007 12:08 PM

OK guys I think i've found the source of this information.

It's not Budget Bride, but

http://www.bridebargains.com/

There's a book for sale for $27.77 and while no excerpts are provided, I love the teasers. Sounds like it's got to be the source of all this bride's cleverness:

Stop Getting Ripped Off By The Wedding Industry –
And Save Thousands On Your Special Wedding Day

Who hasn't heard (or told) countless wedding scams or wedding horror stories? Are you going to remain a victim? Or will you seize control of your big day, and claim more of your earnings for yourself? That extra money you save could be used to pay for a longer honeymoon or your childs college fund!

* How to save money on bridal party expenses!

* How to politely ask guests for money instead of a gift!

* How to dramatically save on your catering costs! My book shows you nine different ways. Just using one of them could save you hundreds of dollars!

Posted by: JBert at March 4, 2007 01:17 PM

Or she could just reduce the guest list by 50%.

Maybe tell her betrothed not to bring any relatives. And ask him cutely if he's playing hardball when he protests.

Posted by: kitchen hand at March 4, 2007 03:20 PM

Oh, you are a saint!

Posted by: Albany Jane at March 4, 2007 05:58 PM

Wow... im sorry but what a r-tard!

coulda given her a menu more to her budget for an idea...

cheeze whiz and crackers. Serve yourself

Ground bologna sammiches

water straight from the tap

dessert: tubs of philly cheesecake filling with 20 spoons in each one...

just a idea.

Posted by: Mary at March 4, 2007 07:24 PM

I was all about the budget bride, and I think the book she was probably reading was Bridal Bargains, it was my Bible when planning the wedding.

However, I've been in a grocery store and I know approximately what a pound of salmon/tenderloin/shrimp costs. Even without culinary training and "being up on my food costs", I could run those numbers.

And on what planet to caterers/chefs make a ton of money?!

What. An. Idiot.

I'm guessing she took Legally Blonde to heart, then?

Posted by: ChelsE at March 4, 2007 10:09 PM

Our wedding catering cost $12Australian a head. In 1997. It was also roast meat only, with some (sorry FW) pre pack salads, with extras provided by my Mum and Grandmother as was dessert. It was buffet style and everyone served themselves. Tableware, glassware and linens were hired separately from another firm. The alcohol was kegs of beer from the local hotel, or wine supplied by the groom's family. I don't know what the total cost per head would have been, but it would have worked out at more than $17.95 per head.

Bride to be sites, magazines and books really should try to give more realistic prices for food and catering. It would be hard to get finger food for $17.95 these days. I really don't know how you do it some days. But I'm glad you do, and more so that you blog it and share.

Posted by: Mindy at March 4, 2007 11:45 PM

Oh. My. Lord.

I know the crunch of a wedding budget, having just gotten married myself, but seriously - she'd do a lot better if someone would just take the Disney Princess magazine out of her pink binder and smack her upside the head with it. Yikes!

Posted by: Shawnda at March 5, 2007 07:39 AM

Oh.My.Word.

I managed to get the food costs down to about $13-14 a person, and that was by making some major changes. And, let's face it, in some areas of the country prices are cheaper, and I happened to be in a poor area of the country.

I can't imagine the menu she wanted for the price she thought she'd get.

Hey - there's always Applebee's. They have that to-go thing now.

Posted by: Amy at March 5, 2007 09:18 AM

I don't know....we had a menu similar to that at our wedding, including the tenderloin filets and an open bar, and I believe we paid about $23 per person.

Of course, that was in 1980.

Posted by: Peggasus at March 5, 2007 09:43 AM

You think you have it bad? Imagine the stress this head chef went through--Check this out:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/03/05/people.west.ap/index.html

Posted by: kate at March 5, 2007 09:46 AM

Best wedding reception I ever went to (quality AND quantity of food) was a pot-luck effort between the bride's Italian family and groom's Basque family.

Ms. Pinky needs to rethink.

Posted by: Mary at March 5, 2007 10:58 AM

I'm sorry, but I would have "accidentally" spilled my nice black coffee all over her nice pink self when she said the bit about "I know you have a great reputation, but I still think you're a crook."

Posted by: Kirsten at March 5, 2007 01:59 PM

Hello! 1978 called, they want their menu back!

Posted by: Trish at March 6, 2007 09:17 AM

Someone above mentioned the fact that once the venue/caterer knows the event is a wedding the price automatically doubles - there is a reason for this. I'ts because "Budget Bride" will inevitably change her mind fifteen times and have a caterer-directed meltdown hours before the big event. When I was doing event-planning, we called it "hazard pay".

Posted by: Sheryl at March 6, 2007 01:05 PM