Diary of The Food Whore: Tap Shoes

Tap Shoes

April 16, 2007

The Bride and groom wanted the reception to be quaint, intimate and very family driven. They both come from big families, all of whom wanted to be a part of the night in some way. And they were a fabulous bunch.

Except for Aunt Norma.

We were warned about Aunt Norma. Seems she's got a bit of an attitude, and is tolerated because it is the right thing to do. But we were warned.

Someone forgot the family cake serving pieces. It happens. And it is no big deal. One of the aunts came into the kitchen to ask if they could borrow ours, and we of course said yes. She was in no rush, cake service was a long way away. The tote they were in got left in the van for some reason, but we were not worried about it at the time. We were getting ready for dinner service, and the cake was not even on our radar until we were asked.

We went back to our tasks and then Aunt Norma came into the kitchen with a loud sigh.

"Someone forgot the cake servers."

I looked over at her and smiled.

Impatiently she said, "Did you hear me?"

"I sure did", I said...still smiling.

"Well what do you plan to do about it?"

"Well, Mrs. Smith was just in here to ask if she could borrow our cake servers, but they are not needed for a long while. So right now I plan to get this dinner served so everyone can eat, and then we will take care of the cake servers when it is time to serve the cake."

She folded her arms and raised her eyebrow. I raised mine back.

"Well I need the cake servers."

"Right. And I need to serve dinner. So I will gladly take care of that for you right after we are done plating." I was cheerful, I promise. Even tilted my head when I smiled.

She sighed again. And then began tapping her foot. And we started plating the food. And she continuted to tap her foot, standing right in the doorway, all the while staring at me. Tap.. tap... tap... tap... tap...

The servers had to walk around her, and Aunt Norma continuted to tap her foot for a good 10 minutes before another Aunt came in to get her. "Norma, come back to the table and let these people do their work."

"I need the cake servers."

"You're not even serving cake. Go sit down."

And by God Norma stood and tapped a few more rounds, until she finally relented and left the kitchen.

The other Aunt looked over to us and said, "I am so sorry about her. She's ... well... a pain in the ass."

"Don't give it another thought", I said. "Aunt Norma is just another day in the kitchen for us."

"God Bless You", she said.

God Bless Us, indeed.

Posted by Foodwhore at April 16, 2007 11:39 AM

Wow - I hate Aunt Norma.

Posted by: shana at April 17, 2007 06:45 AM

Shana- I'm sure Aunt Norma's family hates her, too. She has her heart in the right place but her nose is probably everywhere but where it belongs.

Can you imagine the calf muscles the woman must have if she can tap her foot that long? Did she switch feet at any point? Damn....

Posted by: AuntJone at April 17, 2007 08:49 AM

I am waiting for the post where you up and lose it, then stab someone in the face with a shrimp fork.
That'll make for the best newspaper headline ever.
Cause by now, after reading some of this I'm pretty sure I would be in prison right now for throwing scalding coffee in someone's eyes etc. etc. etc. Seriously, you have the patience of a saint.

Posted by: Garrett at April 17, 2007 12:20 PM

You want me to kick her ass? I can do that. I'm a big brother to my sister. What I do, is kick people's asses.

Posted by: Dr. Biggles at April 17, 2007 05:27 PM

Well, At least you were warned.

Posted by: Greg at April 17, 2007 06:23 PM

There's one in every family. Although the toe-tapping thing is new ....

Posted by: RLR at April 18, 2007 02:42 PM

I think that I have only ever seen foot-tapping in cartoons - I didn't know that people could really do that and be serious about it!

Posted by: jen maiser at April 18, 2007 02:57 PM

there is often a snarky relative, no? the best,tho, is when it is a sister who is less attractive and single and who tries to ruin the whole thing w/ bad behavior.
sure you've seen a few of those!!
aunt norma sounds pretty bad...

Posted by: verna at April 18, 2007 04:17 PM

And NONE of your servers almost bumped into her, or said EXCUSE ME I Can't get by? What a well-trained staff you have! Or are they getting into your lemon drops?

Posted by: Nana at April 18, 2007 04:42 PM

I want to know why she wanted the cake servers well before the cake. Maybe she was going to attack someone with them.

Posted by: kitchen hand at April 18, 2007 07:14 PM

F*** Aunt Norma.

Posted by: Barb at April 19, 2007 03:50 AM