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It's a good thing I don't get paid by the word. I would be a broke-ass fool living out of my car - my poor car - and drinking things like Mad Dog from a bottle.

Crazy busy times.

There's a saying, right? Don't talk about politics and religon with friends and family? Is that how it goes?

Well there should also be a saying that goes like this - "To save your sanity - elope. Your family will thank you later."

It doesn't happen every time - there really are some incredibly sane and fun people out there. People who view their wedding day as a celebration of their love for another human being and they just want everyone to come and play and have a good time.

And then there are the people who feel this way, but who's family members beg to differ.

When we took the first load out to the site - a private home - The Bride was headed to the bathroom to lock herself in there for a while and take refuge from her brother.

I was bringing in a load of linens when I heard him shout, "I am so tired of you being such a F-ING BITCH!" My back was turned and I gotta be honest - I thought he was talking to me. I sort of froze for a minute not knowing where to look when I heard the Father of The Bride come through and shout, "Shut up - NOW. Go away. Leave. Buh Bye." By this time The Partner came in and froze in her tracks wondering if possibly he was talking to her.

There we were - biting our lips - not knowing which way to turn. And wondering why in God's name this always happens to us. These people were normal. They were fun. Our consultations always ended in laughter and we were so relieved to be taking this one - it seemed like we had found the Golden Ticket.

I sighed and dropped my head and threw up my hands in surrender, and about the time I did that The Mother of The Bride came in and started laughing. Laughing because, as she said, "It is a better alternative to murder, no?" And laughing because the looks on our faces were priceless. Her Husband came into the kitchen and threw up his hands, too. "Are either of you adopting adult children?"

Apparently The Bride and her Brother had been at odds since he arrived home at 7:00 a.m. from a night of taking The Groom around to every watering hole in the city. So that added to nerves, the possiblity of rain on their ceremony, and the fact that The Groom was still sleeping created an air of chaos. All too typical, unfortunately, for a wedding day.

When we were headed out to The Van The Parents followed us and assured us all would be well upon our return. And then The Father said, "But in case it's not, we will leave you a note with instructions to where we have run off to. Bring the food there. To Hell with the rest of them."

No note was needed, fortunately, and the night was a huge success. And The Bride's Brother? He spent the better part of the evening avoiding The Bride. Because upon our arrival back to the house they stood under the portico waiting for family pictures to be taken. The Bride was resplendent in her gown and flowers, and her Brother was handsome in his tux. But as we walked by we heard her say, "...and I swear to God if you say or do anything out of line I will drop kick your sorry ass to the moon. Got it?"

Good times, people.

Good times.

Posted by Foodwhore at August 31, 2007 01:23 PM

Posted by: Carrissa at September 1, 2007 06:16 AM

Posted by: LisaInCT at September 1, 2007 01:31 PM

Posted by: leslie at September 2, 2007 08:32 AM

Posted by: christianna at September 2, 2007 01:07 PM

Posted by: tomorrow at September 3, 2007 07:43 AM

Posted by: Dr Alice at September 4, 2007 08:15 AM

Posted by: StevenHB at September 4, 2007 08:30 AM