I feel always so bad for waiters when they're being abused by obnoxious customers. I get the urge to tell them to sit down and have a drink. I feel that if I worked in the service business, I'd commit multiple homicides.

i second that.
& it´s so embarrassing even to witness behaviour like that.

Funny, eggbeater alluded to this on bay area bites today, and said it should be a requirement that everyone should be required to do duty as service staff as a kind of compulsory draft so they understand how unreasonable they are being. Sorry about your chopstick malfunctions.

Last weekend I was at Sunday brunch with some friends and everyone knows that going to brunch at any restaurant on a Sunday between 10 and 2 will mean waiting. But the wait was less than 30 minutes so it wasn't so bad. Except that my friend insisted that we were DEFINITELY in line before everyone else who had been seated and they must have forgotten about us and how could they do this? I wanted to smack her with the electronic blinky/vibrating thing that soon told us our table was ready.

OMG, I know those people and I want to beat them over the head with menus.

And I definitely agree that all people should be required to do service work as a prereq. for life.

I love the way you tell a story - you crack me up. :) In a good way.

I agree 10 thousand fucking percent. Our place is in a touristy town, though much of our clientele are locals. That said, there's really not a whole lot to do here in town, and we have right on the front of the menu that if you have time constraints, please let us know, so we can help you meet them. But seriously, aside from going to the movies, or the occasional concert or play, what the hell could you be in a rush about?

Do you like the people you're eating with? If the answer is yes, who cares how long dinner takes? If the answer is no, then don't go out with them in the first place.

On the other hand, when people sit forever and are the last customers in the place, and we have extended every courtesy and service to them and they've been sitting for two hours after they've finished eating and I'm waiting to lock up, I change my tune.

Chopsticks? It took me six weeks of regular practice to appreciate how to use them.

Then...

I discover Thai people don't use chopsticks, as a rule. http://www.cuisinenet.com/glossary/thai1.html
Also mentioned in Jeffrey Steingarten's book, The Man Who Ate Everything, if memory serves.

Chopsticks? Tweezers, two pronged fork, double spear. Handy after enough practice.

i too love your stories...are you irish by any chance?
Friends of ours embarassed us to much at one of our favorite resturants, that we refuse to dine with them anymore, and boy did we need to crawl back and beg for forgiveness to the owners...
can we just say to those customers who ask how long it will take,...well sir, it depends on how cooked you want your food...
cheers, lima bean

You know, Food Whore, I love cats and you don't like 'em. But I understand that. And it's okay, because I think we'd be great friends if we we dined--or merely shared a Bloody Mary (or Lemon Drop, as it were)--together in real life. Coincidence of coincidences, *I* went out for Thai food just the other night. We went to the Tamarind Tree on South Jackson (right behind the Viet Wah). It was delicious and classy and very Thai-food-embracing-their-French-invaders'-food in the most delightful way. I was shocked at two things: First, the speed with which we were seated (told 30 minutes, waited for 8) and the food came out (about ten minutes after we ordered). Second, the fact that the table next to us was asking "How much longer it would be?"

Can I just say that if the food comes out as quickly as in Andrew's experience, I would have my suspicions that it had either been hanging around waiting for someone to order it - or it was straight out of the freezer and into the microwave. Neither option as good as food especially prepared and cooked to your order. "All good things come to those who wait."
Keep posting FW I have the presumption to assume that we are kindred spirits divided by the Atlantic Ocean.
Liz.

Yes - chopsticks. Extra fancy ones laying on the plate by the fork.

I know I can't use them - but they were fancy, and I felt pressured...

In most Thai restaurants the sauces are prepared many days in advance: good thing, because they can take several hours to days to prepare.

So having your food come out in 8 minutes isn't unreasonable: it depends what you ordered, and what was waiting in front of your order.

My favorite note on this topic is from Dilbert: He drops of some clothes at cleaners which has a prominently displayed sign: Clothes cleaned while you wait. The clerk tells him Thursday. Dilbert Askes, "what about the sign?" and the clerk responds:"Are you going to STOP waiting?"

Thank you to everyone for all your comments on this subject. I'm actually sitting here after a hellacious shift at the restaurant I serve at and this post really hit the spot. I agree with those of you that said everyone that eats at a restaurant should have to know what it's like to be a server. I swear, I feel like I've seen it all, being a server. There are people that will sit and look around and not even talk to each other and every time I walk by their table, they BOTH look at me. I feel like saying, "Did you pick this person up off the street to come eat with you, or do you actually know them?"

Annoying people... look. If you are in a huge hurry to get your food, then just like FW said, go to a fast food joint and shove some salty, barely warm, old food down your throat and shut the hell up. Those people don't appreciate food anyway, so why should they even attempt to eat good food at an actual restaurant? Please, if you're in a hurry, just go somewhere else. Please don't come into my restaurant.

My beef from tonight's shift is the hell that is working in the pub (I work at an Irish restaurant) when there is a party going on in there or a band playing for the evening. The tables in the bar fill up and the people sitting there NEVER LEAVE. Oh, but they don't order much food or drink all night long, so you end up making about $35 for the evening because your 4-table section filled up once and that was it. Also, here's a tip to everyone out there. If you sit down at a table in a bar/pub area of a restaurant and you're immediately greeted by a server, that means that you have a server to get you things like drinks and food, so don't go up to the bar YOURSELF and get your own f'ing drinks, OK??? That was happening all night too. I finally just cashed everyone out and told them if they wanted to drink anything more, they could get it from the bar and I went home. Thank god this is my second job and I don't think it will be for long.

I just came across this blog and so far I think it's hilarious. Thanks for letting me vent!

-TaraTheFoodie

I have always thought that every single person at some point in their life should be required to be a server in a restaurant. No matter how briefly the job lasts, it would change attitudes immediately and possibly the Mr. Snappers of the world would think before they snap.

Ah, I remember the very first time I ever went to a Thai restaurant, decades ago… I had been using chopsticks for years, but had a devil of a time eating off a flat plate, with those slippery white plastic chopsticks restaurants have… After dinner, I asked the owner/server – “How do you eat with these things?!?” She replied, “We don’t. Thai eat with forks.”

How do you say “I feel silly now” in Thai?

On another note, my ex used to be a server. Her last job was at the nicest steakhouse in town in the theater district. Just about every weekend night she used to have stories about people that would come in with an hour before curtain, and then want a full sit-down dinner, drinks, etc, with enough time to make the show. They would then blow air through their hair, tap their toes, snap at the staff and in general act like small impatient children.

I sympathize with the stories on this topic, and extend my thanks for every server that ever took care of me. To all the obliviots out there, I’d like to give them my rule of thumb which my ex taught me… A nice restaurant meal takes 2 to 2.5 hours. If you want to make curtain at 8:30, you’d better be parking your car in front of the restaurant at 6:30, or better yet 6:00. Otherwise go to Sizzlers or Long John Silvers for your “surf and turf”……