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Sir Taps A Lot
January 14, 2008

It has taken me a while to find that balance again - the balance of work, sleep, blogging, and the incessant whining about wanting to be back on vacation.

I am starting to annoy myself, even.


What has not taken a while is getting back in the swing of things at The Restaurant and realizing what a crazy bunch of loons roam this earth on the daily basis. And people warned me - oh they warned me - they said I'd never seen crazy like NYC Crazy. Well, I am here to tell you, I missed all the NYC Crazy. Or perhaps that person who told me I would fit in just fine there was right - because I saw nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, people seemed... ordinary.

The only thing out of sorts I witnessed was a near International Incident at the Starbuck's on the corner of 56th and 6th. A non-english speaking Frenchman took a coffee that did not belong to him. And a very English speaking man from Brooklyn nearly lost his religion over losing his Latte'. There were words, there were F-Bombs, and there were threats of beatdowns on the street corner. I gotta be honest, I wanted to step in and say, "Have you tried the coffee here? Because it's so not worth it..."

But I digress...

The other night a couple came in with their son who looked to be about 8 years old. When their server asked to take their order The Mother ordered for herself, and shortly before she finished The Father started tapping his fork on the table. *Tap Tap Tap*. The Mother sighed and said, "I wasn't finished yet.." And he just kept tapping at her. She picked up the menu again and ordered for The Father, and for The Son. When she was done ordering The Father started with the tapping again. "I told you I wanted fish, not steak. And I told you not to order him a small portion. Make him eat an adult meal." And he just kept tapping his fork.

At first The Server thought the fork tapping was his way of communicating, as if some sort of mute disease had overcome him and left him at the mercy of pronged utensils. But when he spoke she realized the tapping was just his way of being... well... an ass.

He continue tapping his fork until The Mother put her hand down over the fork. She looked to her server and said, "The order is fine, thank you." And then glared back at The Father.

And throughout the evening every time he was ready to speak, he started tapping that fork.


I certainly don't pretent to be a psychologist with an insider's information on the psyche of those around me. But I know for certain if that fork were to be tapped at me repeatedly, it would find it's way up someone's nose.

Posted by Foodwhore at January 14, 2008 12:49 PM

What is it about you that attracts these people to you? Or are there just that many ideosynchratic (read "f*ckin' weird and/or rude") people in the world that you're finding nothing more than your fair share?

At least we all get a laugh out of them . . .

Posted by: StevenHB at January 14, 2008 01:16 PM

men feel they have a right to do things like this to women in public, is it a cultural thing I wonder, not sure of your situation. you'll never see women doing something like this, or at least, not in public
welcome back, i have the same feeling too

Posted by: deelima at January 14, 2008 01:37 PM

Up his nose??? I would stick it in the lower end that only has one hole.

Posted by: Cyndi at January 14, 2008 01:44 PM

I dunno... sounds like they deserve each other. Anyone who orders for someone else (esp above their objections, esp if they're old enough to read the menu) deserves to be tapped at. Forks in the nose all around, please.

Posted by: HF at January 14, 2008 04:25 PM

you *SAW* the spam that was going around with the photo of the kid who fell running with a fork and it um, injured him, right? (up, in, and prongs came out through the skin of his nose, yes indeedy)

Posted by: Carly at January 14, 2008 05:39 PM

What kind of a-hole can't order for himself at a restaurant? It boggles my mind to see the kind of men some women will settle for. What a jerk.

Posted by: TaratheFoodie at January 14, 2008 07:17 PM

He'd have that utensil shoved in his eye or gauged in his hand if I were The Mother and I would have to say "tap this MotherF*cker" (no pun intended - lol)

Posted by: Kristin at January 14, 2008 08:49 PM

I was at a colleague's dinner party once where the host's wife got so enraged with him at the dinner table that she stabbed him in the neck with her fork.

No serious injury done, but if I'd been the woman at your restaurant, I'd have been very tempted.

Posted by: Alison at January 15, 2008 02:40 AM

I was a server years ago, where just about the opposite happened.
The husband ordered for the whole table. When the wife said "But I wanted Ranch dressing", he said "Shut up, you will eat what I order for you"...
I was shocked, I had waited on this woman when she was by herself, or with the children, and I had no idea that she had to put up with this kind of behavior. I always felt bad for her after that, not only his boorish ways, but the public humiliation that she had to put up with constantly.

Julie

Posted by: Julie at January 15, 2008 11:52 AM

How the hell did my ex husband get all the way out there last week?

I'm so sorry. I requested that they institutionalize him at the hearing. I should have known he'd find his way to crazy town.

Posted by: Ei at January 15, 2008 02:18 PM

This seriously sounds like someone with Tourette's syndrome to me. It's a very funny story... but without a medical history it's hard to know what might really be going on

Posted by: a naughty mouse at January 15, 2008 03:42 PM

Hubby works in a high end (tux only) steak house in Baltimore. I can't wait to hear his stories after a Saturday night on the floor. The crazies love to be seen. Thank you for the laughs

Posted by: bradsmom1080 at January 16, 2008 05:33 PM
 
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