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« Deep In The Well | Main | Flour Power » Don't Touch
March 31, 2008
Long day. Even longer night. I am not sure if the Earth has flipped off it's axis and everyone is leaning a little from all the orbital careening, or perhaps a full moon is coming. Or maybe people are just getting themselves all revved up for The Big April Fool's Day. But something is amiss. In a really big way. The first order of dinner came through, "NO FOOD TO TOUCH". When I asked for a little clarification The Server sighed. "The couple at Table 7 - neither of them want any of their food to touch on the plate. At all. They said if I bring them plates where the food is touching - they will send it back." I stared at her - blinking erratically - and put my hand to my forehead. "All righty... here we go". And it just kind of got worse from there. The next order, apparently someone related to the DO NOT TOUCH people, ordered the caesar salad with grilled prawns. Only they wanted the salad unmixed - lettuce in one pile, cheese in another, croutons in another, a cup of dressing - the prawns on a separate plate - and lots of lemons. I have to admit, I cried a little when that came through. The Man at Table 4 - for blogging sake we will just call him Sir Hacks A Lot. I don't know if he had a hair ball, a golf ball, or was just having a ball with all his coughing, but the coughing. OH MY GOSH THE COUGHING. And hey - I am all about being sympathetic when it comes to all the coughing. I am thinking about starting my own informercial for Ab Toning. No gimmicks, no silly straps or bouncy things. Just cough your brains out for 30 days and you too will have abs of steel. But this man - this wasn't virus coughing, this was coughing to dislodge something from The Great Abyss. People were staring. He had no shame - no desire to excuse himself, take a little sip of water. Just from-the-toes, throat-clearing, mucous-rattling, foriegn object-dislodging coughing. And it was gross.
And then the lady in the back - she ordered her steak medium well. The Server set it down, she poked it and demanded it be brought back to the kitchen. Apparently - in her words - she's a 'steak expert' and could tell by poking it that it was raw. At this point of the night I wanted to go to her table and say, "Poke this, Sally". And I may have mumbled that when I was rocking back and forth in the cooler. But I knew how long that steak was cooked, and my fear was that any longer would put it over to the well side and there wouldn't be any pink left. And then we would have to start over. So, ok. We appeased her, I put it on the heat for about 4.2 seconds and re-plated. It was delivered, and she poked it again. "Well, now that is more like it." When her plate was cleared she said, "That steak was perfect, I told you I am an expert." All righty.
I needed vodka. Lots and lots of vodka.
There's just not enough vodka to block that kind of pain.
Posted by Foodwhore at March 31, 2008 10:32 PM 
i've asked for onions taken out of the salad or some other ingredient but separating ALL the ingredients, and into separate plates??? Uh...yeah must be something in the air...or something they ate in a previous restaurant... or maybe april is extra crazies month? Posted by: Alexis at April 1, 2008 12:43 AM People are freaks, that's it in a nutshell. Some people just need to stay home and they seem to be the only ones that don't know it. Cheers! Posted by: sue.g at April 1, 2008 04:49 AM I don't know how you do it! Attract all those crazies, I mean. It must be a special talent... Seriously, I do wonder why people who are 'odd' go out and eat in public, you'd think they'd be ashamed to be noticed! I wish you a totally Crazies free week from now! Posted by: Toffeeapple at April 1, 2008 07:30 AM Please tell me they tipped well. Posted by: Julie at April 1, 2008 10:01 AM I almost wish some of this would happen to me. I never seem to run into the crazy people; I think life would be more interesting. Do you think you somehow got my lifetime allotment of dealing with crazies? Posted by: Lionstone at April 1, 2008 10:10 AM You should be canonized for dealing with these people without losing your temper, really you should. Posted by: Mari at April 1, 2008 10:11 AM In MN folks are going crazy nuts from the entirely crap weather. I had to stop to wonder if maybe your cougher had chroic lung issues, such as is the case with bronchitis or cystic fibrosis? Sometimes it's all about trying to get a smidgeon of air :( Posted by: Raineth at April 1, 2008 10:33 PM Perhaps the salad on separate plates was a covert way of getting the recipe. Posted by: Dan R. at April 2, 2008 11:16 AM I once new a lady that had to eat everything counter-clockwise on her plate and could only eat M&Ms if they were separated by color, but I don't think she would ever go so far as the no-touching people. Posted by: Priyanka at April 2, 2008 11:22 AM Food-not-touching is a fairly common OCD thing. I was married to someone like that, once. Since he didn't eat ANY vegetables, dealing with him was simple. Protein on a plate. Starch in a bowl. Soooo glad not to be doing that anymore! Posted by: Nana at April 3, 2008 10:23 AM  |