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I'm a Snooze Pusher.

I am actually more of a Snooze Abuser, as The Husband would attest to, and I am afraid it is a habit I've carried with me all my life. Except in the days before digital alarm clocks. In those days I took my old fashioned bell-ringing alarm clock and hurled it across the room. A habit, The Mother says, that started about the time I was able to navigate my way out of my crib and push The Siblings' alarm clock off the night stand.

And it's not that I am lazy (actually, I am totally lazy) it's that I cannot bear to hear such an offensive sound in the morning. Why can't they create an alarm which reaches out and gives you a gentle nudge? "Wake up sleepy head" in a voice all soothing like The Fairy Godmother. Although I suppose even that would get old and I would find myself seeking out The Fairy Godmother to get her in an arm lock and suffocate her with my pillow.

And the worst part of all of it is I don't even need the alarm. I set it out of fear that tomorrow morning will be the day I over sleep. And yet every day - like clockwork - I wake up exactly 30 minutes before my alarm is set to go off. And instead of getting up like a normal person, I rationalize I've got a few more minutes. Only that few more minutes turns into 3 (ok 9) Snooze Pushes. And this all goes down at the un-Godly hour of 5:30 in the AM.

Another bad habit... well... I should clarify. The Husband calls it a bad habit, I just think it makes good sense... I leave my cell phone on through the night. My rationale is that it is good to let the battery wear itself down. And my other rationale is that there could be a time when there is a crisis in the middle of the night and people need to reach me - I tend to straddle the "I am so important" fence - though no one has actually ever called.

Although lets be honest - the truth of the matter is that I shove the thing in my purse and forget about it.

Anyway.

There have been times where The Friend in Alabama sends me one of her awesome "Have A Great Day!" texts and they come through at 4:30 in the morning. And it used to wake me up and startle me a bit. But now I sleep right through it. Or if it does wake me up I holler, "you have a great day, too!" and then The Husband kicks me and I go back to sleep.

So the other morning when my phone actually rang I was at the end of A Snooze Phase. So my first thought was that the alarm had gone off and I reached out to tap the snooze button but it didn't work. So I hit it again, hard, and it just kept ringing. And then my mind cleared enough to realize it was my phone ringing, so I threw the covers back and made a mad dash for my purse which was interrupted by my tripping over the shoes I left out the night before. That's a nice way to wake up - a nice drop to the knees in front of the chest of drawers.

My heart was racing. It was 5:41 exactly and I feared the worst. No good news comes in the form of a phone call at that time of the morning. So I quick pushed all the buttons to retrieve the message.

"Hi. It's The Client. I know, I know. It's crazy to be calling at this time of the morning. But I have been awake all night putting the last minute touches on things and I started to freak out. Just so we are clear - you are not using Pepper Jack on the cheese trays, are you? I know you gave me a list of the cheeses you will be using, but I started to panic and ask myself what if you used pepper jack. Which isn't even in the ballpark of what you are doing. But we hate pepper jack. And I could not get my mind off that damn pepper jack. So I am sure you're not using it. But I had to leave you this message to get it off my mind. By the time you get this I am sure you will be laughing that I was stressing at this ridiculous hour. So I will talk to you later. Have a great day."

Half way during that message The Husband came over and sat down next to me waiting to see what was so urgent. And as soon as I started avoiding eye contact he raised his eyebrow and started to laugh. I hung up my phone and he said, "So...?" and I looked up at the ceiling and bit my lip.

"Pepper jack crisis."

"Yes. Hugely important. Very serious."

He nodded. "Yes. Very serious."

And just before I started to say something else The Snooze period was over and my alarm went off. I jumped up to go turn it off and on my way I tripped over that same pair of shoes.

I am living the dream, people.

Just living the dream.

Posted by Foodwhore at May 8, 2008 10:01 AM