« Famous Last Words | Main | Blue Striped Bikinis »

I read a quote today, I cannot remember it verbatim but it went something like this:

Live your life in a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the Devil says, "Shit, she's awake.."

Funny thing is, I think everyone in my path the last two weeks has said this very thing.

Life, as I am want to say, has been crazy. And when I say crazy, I mean I seem to be running with the Glee Club of Crazy Town. Everywhere I turn there has been an issue, a problem, someone trying to tell me how to do my job. And it has been - exasperating. I've had little down time, and what little down time I've had has been spent trying to prepare for the next time I don't have down time.

I've also been spending as much time as I can on a treadmill in an attempt to reduce the stress my doctor says I carry too much of. And let's be honest, I've been trying to reduce the size of my thighs brought on by all of my free willy nilly bread and wine consumption over the last 39 years.

40 and Fabulous my arse. *(Literally. You ought to see this thing...)

It started a couple weeks ago with a kind of large Trick at a very small venue. And when I say small I mean I've sat in bigger airplane seats. And this place was 2 stories - a charming old Victorian beautiful from the outside. Nice on the inside. But small, did I mention that?

It was a short notice reservation by The Client, as the other venue they had reserved fell through. So we were sympathetic. Until we arrived and saw the circa 1890 stairwell we could barely fit a hotel pan through - let alone my aforementioned physical issues. And there was another staircase at the front of the house, the one for the guests. But raise your hands to tell me how many of those guests felt the need to use our personal stair case 'just out of curiosity'? 226 - the total number in attendance.

"Where does this go?" To Hell if you are not careful.

"Oh sorry! We are in your way?" No, no I love being slammed up against the wall with a platter of hot salmon.

"Oh this is sooo tiny! Do you want us to back up or can you back down the stairs with that large hunk of beef?" Does my raised eyebrow give you a clue what I want?

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Really - about the 40th time with sweat dripping down my brow I stopped being charming. And I think scared 3 small children enough that they sat in the corner the rest of the night. But please - please do not encourage your child to just 'go between her legs and get out of her way'. WHO DOES THIS?

From there we went to the next Trick where The Client hired a wedding coordinator from another Catering company in town. An old friend, apparently. The Client did not want that friend having to endure the stress of overseeing the food, so she had her coordinate instead. And I guess when she heard that she thought it was her job to stand in the kitchen and watch every single move we made.

"What is your sauce recipe?"

"Are you going to have enough china?"

"Where did you get your flatware?"

"Oh you are the ones who did The Charity Auction. We bid that."

"Are you aware they had 15 more people come than planned? I hope you don't run out of food. That would be really unprofessional on your part."

We smiled a lot - and played nice. Even with that last statement. And then... then she stuck her finger into my glaze. And then I lost it. Like - unabashedly said really unkind things banned her from the kitchen. The Partner, I think, was a bit worried I would start throwing things. And I think, possibly, I crossed the line with a few things I said. I did apologize to The Client for offending her friend. But then The Client confessed the real reason she made her wedding coordinator was because she hates her food and did not know what else to do with her. And then she gave me a bottle of wine.

I love her.

And then that fateful filthy venue. I don't know as though I've ever been so - paralyzed by frustration. They did clean the place - to perfection. But in the process of getting there was not pretty. And I won't be recommending the place to anyone again. And The Venue owners know that. And they are not happy with me.

And to that I say ... stand in line.

Because I finally have the time to come back and sit down and bore you with all of my trivial issues and I find out by a very nice reader that another site is lifting my content... oh the joys.

Does This remind you of this?

All I can do is *sigh* - and say watch it, lady, I am on a roll.

Anyway.

So if you've read this far - bless you. It's been a long summer and this is just a teeny tiny snippet of what we've been through. And I don't normally say this but I am looking forward to Fall and it's calmer - and cooler - way of doing things. People aren't so crazy in the fall - they are all intoxicated by the pumpkins and hard cider. And I look forward to that.

Because I think I really, truly, once and for all lost my biscuit this year, and I've got the thighs to prove it.

Things have settled now, and I will actually be home longer than the time it takes me to shower and remind The Husband that I am, in fact, the person he is married to and not some stranger who shows up to drop off her dirty clothes and steal his liquor.

I am back, I am rested, and I am ready to take on the world.

One very large lemon drop at a time.

Posted by Foodwhore at September 10, 2008 05:56 PM

Posted by: Ellen-Mary at September 10, 2008 07:04 PM

Posted by: Leslie at September 10, 2008 07:28 PM

Posted by: oh_yeah at September 10, 2008 07:36 PM

Posted by: Liesl at September 10, 2008 07:58 PM

Posted by: Kimberlee at September 10, 2008 09:12 PM

Posted by: TonyS. at September 11, 2008 12:47 AM

Posted by: Mari at September 11, 2008 01:45 AM

Posted by: Jeannette at September 11, 2008 04:03 AM

Posted by: LisaInCT at September 11, 2008 05:20 AM

Posted by: Valerie at September 11, 2008 06:19 AM

Posted by: Tracey at September 11, 2008 09:00 AM

Posted by: Bri at September 11, 2008 11:18 AM

Posted by: cheffie at September 11, 2008 04:56 PM

Posted by: Gila at September 11, 2008 09:32 PM