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Ogre Fest '08
October 07, 2008

I hate Saturday weddings.

Friday nights are perfect. The wedding happens and then the reception happens in a time frame that coincides with dinner. People have a reasonable expectation about the time they eat since they probably had breakfast and lunch. But Saturdays bring about this meal time mayhem that is hard to explain. It seems that weddings on Saturdays either happen mid-afternoon or too early in the evening. So people get all messed up on their feeding cycle. They either forget to eat, out of their Monday through Friday routine, or they eat breakfast and skip lunch because they are busy running errands or doing things around the house. Or they just skip all of it knowing they have a big affair to attend and surely the food there will be enough.

This last Saturday was no exception. 3:00 wedding, 4:30 reception. Appetizers at 4:45, dinner at 5:45. The idea, of course, being that people would arrive, mill about, nosh a little, sip a little, and slowly make their way to their assigned seating. And in this situation each table had their own array of sweet pastry tarts, a little sweet treat for dessert in addition to a cake the size of the Empire State Building. (Yes, I still miss New York...)

At about 5:00 the servers started streaming back into the kitchen with empty platters. It literally took 15 minutes for people to plow through the appetizers - a ridiculously hearty assortment of goods that should have kept them sated for at least the hour set aside. I almost did not believe the first server who came in, thinking maybe she did not want the job and decided to dump her platter in the garbage. But her wide-eyed stare told me otherwise.

And then at about 5:15 the servers started slamming into the kitchen, all gasping for air, all demanding more tarts. The Crowd, it seems, had also plowed through the pastries and were clanging their glasses for more. And when I walked out into the ballroom I was aghast at the carnage around me. There were oyster shells and shrimp tails and bread crumbs and pastry remnants strewn about the tables like an Ogre Smorgasbord. People were actually playing 'rock, paper, scissors' over a bacon-wrapped scallop on a plate belonging to some poor sucker who had the sad misfortune of getting up to go to the bar.

And the bar - the poor bartenders came back for more mixed nuts - a last minute addition they put out for those who wanted to linger and not fill up before the main course. But an addition that was soon gone when rumor got around there were a pack-o-nuts to be had by the gin. I think they realized they had to hide the olives and limes and pearl onions for fear of a revolution.


And the buffet stations - I can't even talk about it. Those people raped and pillaged like I have never seen before, and one guy offered me $100 bill if I sliced him a 3-inch slab of prime rib. I laughed, and said something witty back to him in an effort to keep things light. But the man was serious, and was willing to go up $20 since he thought I was playing hardball.


No deal, of course. Though I did consider offering him $120 to take over my job so I could run all the way home screaming like a crazed lunatic.


I have got to get a new job.


Posted by Foodwhore at October 7, 2008 08:07 PM

Oh my word. What a day. What a life.

Posted by: Hilary at October 7, 2008 08:53 PM

I got married on a Friday night just for that reason. Okay, not JUST for that reason, but it was an added perk for our caterer.

Posted by: Barb at October 8, 2008 12:16 AM

Try doing a Jewish wedding in the middle of the summer on a Saturday night when you have to wait for sundown to even start the ceremony! Dinner rolls out around 11:30 and people are starved! It can get pretty ugly :)

Posted by: Maxine at October 8, 2008 07:00 AM

Oh dear.... how rude and undignified of them.

At my wedding, we did a pretty candy buffet with old fashioned sweets from all over the world.

Before even the reception, people were picking at it and making an unashamed attempt to pick up handfuls of candy, despite the ushers' pleas to leave it alone AND the sheet covering the table.

I understand being hungry but that's why you prepare yourself! I never go to a wedding on a full stomach and always bring some trail mix or a candy bar with me...just in case!

Posted by: Sui Mai at October 8, 2008 07:22 AM

If you find another job, you will no longer have the stories to tell. or the excuses to drink lemon drops (not that anyone really needs an excuse... hello! lemon drops!) but I think you've got a lot more patience than i do. I would've taken the $120

Posted by: Leslie at October 8, 2008 11:47 AM

Its good to know that I AM NOT ALONE. West Coast...Midwest...check your manners and common sense at the door and pick up your rudeness and stupidity. One of my top managers sent me a note and told me that I would have been screwed and that she would have probably taken the $100. Keep beating them down and throwing them back. Your blog helps me cope with the insanity of 'Tricking' in Indiana. Thanks
Ty

Posted by: Ty at October 8, 2008 02:02 PM

Just heard about a wedding here where the MOB bodily blocked the buffet room so that the first half of the guests [read: family] could get their fill. Then the other guests were let in. Also the half of the wedding guests that were not family got PLASTIC champagne cups. I guess that's one way to budget a wedding.

Posted by: Shelley at October 8, 2008 04:11 PM

years ago the holiday parties at my workplace were scheduled to start at 2pm, but there was no lunch served in the cafeteria those days since the same staff who WOULD serve lunch were working on party food. the idea was that people would go have light lunch (outside- in the real world) and then when the party rolled around, platters of lovely, fancy party food would arrive and people would gracefully stop by the table for a bite or two before heading over to dessert-land.

no - instead, the first platters were emptied as soon as they hit the tables and the re-fills usually didn't make it TO the tables. You would think those people hadn't eaten in weeks! makes me shudder to remember.

Posted by: sister AE at October 8, 2008 10:51 PM

*pats back*

*there there*

*hands another Lemon Drop over*

I don't know WHAT It is with people! It's like they become CRAZY when they sniff FREE FOOD! Ogres indeed........

Posted by: Mona at October 9, 2008 07:22 AM

My favorite part is where each day you get up and do it again. Can't imagine what this blog would turn in to if you got another job ... an office type job.

Biggles

Posted by: Dr. Biggles at October 9, 2008 10:26 AM

Oh my! Were you feeding wild boars???

And can you imagine what the Empire State Building cake looked like after being hit by these folks?

Posted by: brandy at October 10, 2008 07:41 AM
 
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