We are having a white Christmas.

And it's fabulous.

It has been a completely, insanely busy, chaotic, mind-boggling 6 months. I am blown away, I am exhausted and I am grateful.

It seems silly to tell you I will be taking a few days off for The Holidays condsidering I am lucky to crank out one post every 10 days. But I want you to know I am here. And I am working on some changes for the new year. A new look for the site. And more frequent postings. I have a lot of stories to share. So. Many. Crazy. People.

But for now I am home. The Husband is home (Hello Husband, nice to meet you again), and we are going to play in the snow, drink hot buttered rum, and celebrate.

From our house to yours, we wish you great peace, great joy, and great celebrations with those you love. In my home we celebrate Christmas. But whatever holiday you are celebrating, may they be filled with peace.

Much Love.

(I slipped and fell on my rump today while loading food into The Van. The Food was fine. My rump - not so much.)

ONE MORE TO GO.

And then I should probably start my Christmas shopping. And maybe throw in a little baking. I did manage to crank out a nice pan of almond roca the other night. I needed to unwind after yet another hectic day of feeding the masses.

And of all the masses I've fed these last 10 days, I have to say that office parties are the best.

When you get people out of their cubicles, feed them mass quantities of shrimp and ply them with liquor, their personalities take off like fire crackers.

Grumpy McGrumple Pants was no exception.

He walked in to the party wearing a bright red sweater with a picture of Santa on the front. Santa's beard was made of white fur and the rosy cheeks of felt. And Grumpy wore a santa had, with the words, "BAH HUMBUG" emblazoned in gold glitter.

His mission upon arrival was clear - grab a handfull of shrimp from the hors d'oeuvres table. No plate, just a handful of shrimp, and then a determined march over to the bar. Once there he leaned on one elbow, guzzled his beer, and scanned the crowd, chewed with his mouth open, and dropped shrimp tails wherever he felt like it.

I happened to be at the bar when all of this took place, and on my way back to the kitchen I picked up his shrimp tails. To which he responded, "A woman's work is never done", followed up by a nice burp.

What a keeper.

When he came through the buffet line he was 4 chafing dishes away from me when he hollered, "I want an end piece!". I kept carving the prime rib and making chit chat with the people ahead of him in line. The darling lady I was carving for leaned in laughing and said, "Don't take it personal - he talks a good game but he really is a nice guy. Sort of. Sometimes."

And he persisted.

"I want an end piece!"

"How damn long do I have to wait?" And then he let out a big sigh coupled with a 'dramatic-for-effect' eye roll.

Keep smiling, Food Whore... keep the knife steady.

I raised my eyebrow and said, "Well how long do you want to wait?"

He raised his eyebrow in return, rolled his eyes again, and said, "Oh nevermind. I will take that piece there."

"Good choice, you won't be sorry."

He grunted and had a roasted potato in his mouth before he even made it to his table.

The rest of the night went along fabulously, and by the time I took my final sweep of the room Grumpy was singing Sheena Easton on the Karaoke machine, Santa had turned inside out.

I think besides hearing him say that his baby takes the morning train, the best part was his hip swing.

Amazing what a few cocktails can do for a man's spirit.

Happy Holidays Grumpy McGrumple Pants.

"Hi there, this is The Client. I was just going over my notes for tonight and wanted to make sure you got the message about the carrot cake."

"Perfect. I can't wait!"

My heart sank. No I did not get the message. I had no carrot cake. Game face... I had to have my game face.

I went into The Kitchen and asked loudly, "Anyone in here take a message about carrot cake?" I had a lot of blank stares, and then The Dishwasher came over and said, "I did. I left you a note."

"Right there, on the calendar. See, it says 'Carrot Cake'". I wondered how long it would take me to fold his body enough to shove him in the dishwasher. It did, in fact, say carrot cake. But it also said 'AC/DC tickets', 'Yo Mama', and a myriad of scribbles, tic-tac-to games, sketches and names of people who want time off.

There was no time to explode into the kind of rage where my voice gets so high that only dogs can hear it. Instead I got the memo pad by the phone and a pen, held it up and slammed it on the work table. He bit his lip and went back to scrubbing pans. And I had to get on the task of finding the carrot cake I needed in exactly 2 hours.

I called bakeries, I called my supplier, I called The Mother in the off chance she had 125 pieces of the stuff sitting in her living room. No one had carrot cake. And then The Mother called me back and said, "You're going to have to suck it up and go to The Abyss. They always have it. And while I hate their cakes, their carrot cake is not awful it will do at a time when you are so clearly screwed. Love you."

The Abyss = Costco.

Shitdamnhell.

There is one on the way to The Venue, so I called there and sure enough, they had them. The Partner took the van on ahead, and I made the journey to The Abyss. In my single minded mission I had the cakes loaded and was standing in the check-out line before getting sucked into a Sample Line. I opened my checkbook to pay, and I had no checks. No problem, I thought, I pulled out my American Express only to realize it expired on 11/30, and my new one was sitting on my desk at home...next to the box of checks. No problem, I had my debit card. I slid it through, entered my pin. "Invalid Pin. Try again." I tried again. And I tried again. And now on the third try my card locked out and I was screwed for 24 hours.

In the mean time the man behind me was impatient and angry. I turned to apologize to him but before I had a chance he snorted and said, "Women. Never have their damn shit together." I stood there for a minute not sure if I heard correctly. The Cashier gasped a little, and I looked to her and said, "I am so sorry. I have cash in my car. I will be back in 5 minutes. Can you void this so you can check the others through?"

"Come on, lady. You are holding the rest of us up."

I tried to ignore him. I wanted to be the better person and not give him any satisfaction of seeing how embarassed and frustrated I was. I also sort of wanted to shove his face in that carrot cake, or maybe kick him in the shin and run, but I had a line full of people staring at me and I would be an easy pick in a police line-up. "There - the angry one with the white jacket and striped apron. The one clutching the debit card."

And then he mumbled, "Stupid woman."

"Your wife must be so proud", I said before I could stop myself.

"I am divorced."

"Shocking."

The Cashier turned to hide her laugh, and I made a mad dash for my car before he could respond.

Finally, with carrot cakes safely in The Car I turned it on only to be greeted with a bright orange fuel tank light. No checks. No American Express. A Debit Card on high alert, and exactly $5.45 in my hand I pulled into the nearest gas station and thanked God for a recession where gas prices are now finally lower than my lease payment.

The Trick went off without issue. All was right with the world. I survived The Abyss, The Angry Man, a tank with no gas, and a near miss with a possom on the highway.

And when I got home to relax, and sigh and fix myself a hot buttered rum, The Husband greeted me hello, and in the process of hugging me whispered in my ear, "The toilet overflowed."

Good times.