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« Don't Use Me As A Reference | Main Self Control
February 28, 2009
Everywhere I go these days the chatter centers around the current state of our economy. Big business. Big banking. Big dollars. Big trouble. Big Pork. Mmm, pork. Crispy bacon dipped in a cascading pool of glorious Vermont Maple Syrup... Cue cheesy porn music... Sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah. And while I love a good dialog - Ok I love a good debate - about the current political climate, I think I have reached the point of being completely fed up. There is just not enough vodka or lemons on the world. But I would like to say this... whatever happened to personal responsibility? What ever happened to self control? It was a particularly unruly crowd this night. Although maybe unruly is a harsh word. They were - spunky. And aggressive. And reacted in an overly excited manor to the little things like the mixed nuts at the bar. Come to think of it, they were unruly - unruly as Hell. Though I think people have Spring Fever so much so that little things like a tray full of crab puffs make them get all hand-wavy and screetchy like a bunch of little girls at a Miley Cyrus Concert. (Small interjection - that little thing is an annoying little troll) At one point in the evening I was making the rounds when I found a man - Howard - over in the corner clutching his stomach. I walked over to ask if he was OK and be blurted out, "The shrimp... the shrimp made me sick. You have a problem here." And my heart sank to the very bottom of my toes. I played it over and over in my head - where I got them, how I prepped them, how they were served... and then I looked around the room to see if anyone else was in the same throes of agony. My gut instinct was to pull every last little pink and plumpie off the floor. And then Howard's wife came walking over. "Howard. Knock it off. Or go to the car. I am tired of looking at you like this. And you better not be telling this nice woman its her fault. Though I am guessing by the look on her face its too late." Wow, nice woman? She clearly didn't know me. But I have to say, her eye glare at Howard and her clear impatience with his plight did make me seem like the nice one. And I know the look on my face was saying, 'seriously, your husband is in pain. help him.' But then she filled me in. "You see, Howard is sick from the shrimp. But not because they were bad - they were delicious, by the way. Can you give up the goods on how you prepared them? Anyway, Howard is sick from the shrimp because he ate - and I am ashamed to say this out loud - but he ate 35 of them. No, wait. 36. That I know of. And that's not even mentioning everything else he threw back. What was the final count on the crab puffs again?" I let out a huge sigh. And then I folded my arms and shot Howard a raised-eyebrow look. "Well well well, Howie..." But before I could finish he held up his hand and ran for the restrooms. His wife looked to me and said, "I am sorry if he scared you. His lack of self control is disgusting at times. But so is mine. See these shoes? He asked how much they were and I said One Ninety Five. He whooped and hollered excited over the fact that I found a pair of shoes for a Dollar Ninety-Five. I mean like I found the greatest shoe sale of all man kind. But, he will figure it out when the Visa bill comes. Now... about those Shrimp..."
Posted by Foodwhore at February 28, 2009 07:53 AM 
So nice to know there is at least one conservative food/story blogger out there. I have quit reading more blogs than I can tell you because of their...hmmmm..."whining" alternated with "gloating" - great story by the way - but then they always are... Posted by: trish at February 28, 2009 09:38 AM Lurker- Never comment. But I love your blog. I always rush over when a new one shows up in my reader! Thanks for being real and also funny. I really enjoy your writing. jill.watkins@gmail.com Posted by: Jill Watkins at February 28, 2009 10:11 AM Oh, but don't you see: it is your fault! You made your food too delicious! That's why Americans are fat, you know. It's just all that delicious food out there that irresponsible chefs are preparing. If only all of our food tasted like cardboard, then we would all be skinny. I'm writing my legislator... ;) Posted by: servlet at February 28, 2009 10:40 AM I love your blog, too. And I totally agree with you about Miley Cyrus! Don't kids today have any taste at all? Posted by: Anne at February 28, 2009 11:41 AM I feel maybe a tiny, teeny sliver of sympathy for the shrimp eater... but then I'm allergic to shellfish and just ate half a scallop and am waiting for the hives to set in. (So far, so good.) But I'd never think to blame you for it. I guess I've got that much common sense. A hundred and ninety-five for shoes?? Good grief. Posted by: JulieT at February 28, 2009 06:11 PM 9pr5iQ eqldkogcrxqw, [url=http://pmagcxfodjwx.com/]pmagcxfodjwx[/url], [link=http://oqjqvqlewack.com/]oqjqvqlewack[/link], http://jdbpyaccztqh.com/ Posted by: yisgsggtg at March 2, 2009 04:58 AM Very amusing story...and so true. The art of self-control is certainly one that should be practiced more often. At least the shrimp was good. Posted by: Tiffany at March 2, 2009 09:17 AM love it! Posted by: MsGourmet at March 4, 2009 02:29 AM PHq2bc afettrrrxebo, [url=http://bvpjuahvwfus.com/]bvpjuahvwfus[/url], [link=http://skfcrthkmvfw.com/]skfcrthkmvfw[/link], http://bzabswmsykyt.com/ Posted by: leyidceslcr at April 20, 2009 09:19 PM ukxbCP zeigjuafzzlv, [url=http://ewhzlmxkvhls.com/]ewhzlmxkvhls[/url], [link=http://iucnbqegwgkb.com/]iucnbqegwgkb[/link], http://uxahotananoa.com/ Posted by: efaxhqk at April 24, 2009 08:49 AM Vl01hK rbsapkezpkxv, [url=http://ksuhxajkyxss.com/]ksuhxajkyxss[/url], [link=http://pqdwqemvlekv.com/]pqdwqemvlekv[/link], http://eycahkkpzvac.com/ Posted by: quuwwydnmjx at April 27, 2009 10:29 PM well, All the very best for you netted dog vest What can I say? I've just been letting everything wash over me recently, not that it matters. australian cattle dog narcotics suitabil, Please More updates Posted by: Dora at April 29, 2009 04:44 AM blog hosting [url=http://wordpress.com]blog hosting[/url] blog hosting [url= http://wordpress.com ] blog hosting [/url] Posted by: blog hosting at April 29, 2009 07:26 AM Thanks for a great show. Crosby leads the in points and assists and is near the top in goals. mellow breeds So it goes. pet policy cdl, Keep it running! Posted by: Felicity at April 29, 2009 11:04 AM Ydgth9 wyopeghlztqy, [url=http://ugapwsufdqxu.com/]ugapwsufdqxu[/url], [link=http://oxnuohdhnolb.com/]oxnuohdhnolb[/link], http://ljtxjorltjan.com/ Posted by: grpkcagxnm at April 30, 2009 03:13 AM th4b2zbpd9zo83es Posted by: Conrad Spencer at April 30, 2009 02:10 PM Hello my little friends. We just wanted to say how much we enjoyed your visit and wish you all a very safe trip. dog i fined dog, Please More updates Posted by: Boleslaus at May 1, 2009 08:58 AM well, I hope one day to meet you in person, and invite you to join us in the States once again to work with us pet What can I say? I've just been letting everything wash over me recently, not that it matters. breeders, See you at the latest at Le Mans. Posted by: Jerome at May 1, 2009 09:25 AM Hello. Take care my friends terrier Nothing seems important, but what can I say? breeder, Sincerely yours, Posted by: Cunegunda at May 1, 2009 09:09 PM th4b2zbpd9zo83es Posted by: Cameron Hines at May 2, 2009 10:33 AM th4b2zbpd9zo83es Posted by: Demetrius Yates at May 7, 2009 03:14 AM well, For me it's usually just course marshalling which means look out for me, the team, the drivers if something happens - but mostly just clear stuff up when it breaks terrier i sense a little sarcasm miniature land, canine, Take Care, Posted by: Zenon at May 7, 2009 05:14 AM th4b2zbpd9zo83es Posted by: Mike Hayes at May 7, 2009 06:08 AM Nice page ;) Dont walk behind me, I may not lead. Dont walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. for sale So it goes. puppy bird, breeder, by Posted by: Marja at May 7, 2009 07:29 AM th4b2zbpd9zo83es Posted by: Elton Murphy at May 7, 2009 09:10 AM  |